why do i still love you j??? Bree: Why do I feel that I’m screaming at a brick wall when I proclaim my sincere love for you? Why do I keep trying to tell you how much you are hurting me when again it’s just me and that damn wall? Why do I care? …about your hurting heart? Your cold heart? …about the space inside of you that’s supposed to house a heart? Why do I try to beat a dead horse? Why do I care at all?
Why do I ask these things? It’s because I love you. I can say I love you, truly and without condition! That is a fact. Through all of these trying times I can say I do still care. But I do have resentment and pain …for all of the senseless things I’ve had to go through because of your selfish choices. I’m not playing victim here, just stating a fact.
I don’t think I deserve a lot of what has happened. I am not perfect and can be a royal b*****, I will admit that. But the difference between me and you is INTENTION. Never do I intend to hurt you or scar your heart. I do my best to consider your feelings and needs. I do want the best for you. I wish that I could feel that your intentions were the same. I’ve come to realize that ALL you ever consider in your actions is YOU. You have blinders on as to what the outcome means for anyone else involved. Or is it that you simply don’t care? I want to believe you care and that it’s not all a put-on, that our life together is not a lie or all fake.
I know you are severely depressed right now. I want you to get help …get some meds. Meds will help you not feel overwhelmed. You have said some rather shocking things to me lately that have really changed how I perceive you. I don’t understand the intense feelings you have regarding your father. You know how I feel about it. Please don’t do anything you will regret. With that said I wonder if you ever do truly regret bad decisions. Are you just saying you’re really sorry to smooth things over with me? Because you continue to do things secretly and deceptively that are disrespectful with no regard for me, your wife, your supposed love and friend. I don’t know what to think anymore.
J****, I have faith that you can choose to treat me better. You can feel better. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but things will get better with time, but you have to work at it. It takes two to work at a marriage, both people have to want to make things work. I want for our marriage to survive these hard times. I want to make it forever with you, but if I’m totally honest I don’t realistically see it happening if things continue the way they have been. So it’s up to you to do what it takes or if you don’t choose that we will have to end “us”. I love you so much. But my love is not enough to sustain us. I’m willing. Are you???
