My Wife Left me for a Grandpa moose10S: I am in the US military and have been very busy in the past few years. My wife and I have been married almost 6 years and have been together for the past 8 years. We have twin daughters that are 4.5 years old. I was separated from my wife 2 kids for about a year due to my job. We moved to Washington DC after all that and our careers and kids left no time for us.
She was in school for a masters in Nursing and I was working from 5:50 - 7:00 pm daily. She eventually got a part-time job to help pay for the kid's preschool expenses. I noticed she started dressing much better and enjoyed going to work and school. In the meanwhile, our intimacy was in the toilet; we had not had sex in over 6 months even though I tried initiating may times. We went to one unsuccessful counseling session and then she went by herself to gain insight; it turns out the counselor we went to was a divorce coach and was helping her make a decision to leave me.
TIme passed and she grew more distant and we slept in different rooms and she did not want any form of affection from me: no kiss or even hand-holding. She then began going out with her "friends" every weekend and toild me to go out with mine.
I ultimately learned my wife had been seeing a divorced older man who is 18 years her senior whom she met at work. I was and am devastated. My life has hit rock bottom as she moved out with my kids and wants no contact with me other than pertaining to the kids. A month or so ago we were eating dinner together every night. Now she talks to me like a stranger - may be I am a stranger now as I feel I never really knew her. I can't stop thinking what I did wrong; why couldn't we work it out? I still deeply love her and she barely acknowledges that I exist or matter. A month later and I am slowly accepting things and not crying every day. Do you believe that - an active duty soldier crying like a baby? Any thoughts from any one? Especially women - is it truly over? Can I ever hope to win this woman back?
I am so confused; my world has flipped sideways. I dunno what to do except see my kids as much as possible and got the gym and read my ass off. My appetite is gone. I am moving into a small apartment this weekend. My friends have been a real source of support - if it was not for them I would be in a mental home. I feel like I am grieving the death of a loved one. I am lost in myself and cannot stop the thinking about her.
How can someone do this to me and my children with such callousness? She actually told me I drove her to this. Then she claims she has not slept with this man although they have been seeing each =other for over 4 months and she has been out until 6 am with him at times.
I am considering filing for divorce with reason of adultery so I can move on. I know I am hoping against hope that I can get her back.
I have had weekly sessions with a therapist that have helped a bit. Time with my kids is immeasurably helpful.
Has anyone else gone through this type of betrayal? Can you make it out a better person than when you went in?
Re: My Wife Left me for a Grandpa chaotic: Moose,
I hate to see anyone in your shoes as I have been there and know the pain. You are not alone in this and with time the pain will diminish.
From the sounds of it, I do think it is over. My X did the same thing, became cold in during our conversations and overall just separated herself from the situation. I think her mind has been made up for a while, and from reading other's experiences, it seems that women leave well after they make the decision. So often they have been preparing themselves emotionally for a while by the time they let us know.
Please dont think that this is a direct result of you. This is a reflection of her and not you. It is important that you keep this in mind, as I know I started questioning every bit of my being until I realized this.
Keep your head up, (though I was in the AF, I know how hard it is to admit the pain and crying as a soldier). Push thru, you will be better for it.
Re: My Wife Left me for a Grandpa Freckles: This is why when People say they are seeing a *Marrage Counseler
I say what is the Counslers Goal ?
A LOT of Modern Marrage *So Called* Counslers Goal is NOT to save the Marrage.
It is to Make you FEEL Better about Yourself when Youi Divorce (Seperate)
So My Advice is * BE SURE * When you go to a MARRAGE Counsler.
[color=red">
Ther Goal is to save the Marrage[/color">
Re: My Wife Left me for a Grandpa darkrose: Call him the Pepperidge Farms guy every time you see her (a-la Big Daddy).. C'mon, it's funny. :)
Seriously though your story's a familiar one. My stbxw met a kid in an online game and proceeded to have an emotional affair that became a physical one after she left me. She denied it for 5 months, until just a couple weeks ago. At first, she accused me of ruining the marriage, saying stuff like I never helped around the house (yeah, only when I was out working), that I never paid her attention (again, only when I was working and even then I called and she could IM me at any time), but she was just trying to save face for getting caught. She admitted that, too. Now her story is that she did it because she wanted out of the marriage. She claims she didn't want to hurt me, more that she wanted out. Why did her tune changed? Because she realized what she lost and will never have again.
It sounds like she's out. Women don't make decisions like this at the spur of the moment, she was likely thinking about it for a long time. Like chaotic said, this isn't a reflection of you. It sounds like you're on the right track and you'll get through this.
Re: My Wife Left me for a Grandpa wizer_now: Your story is typical. Pretty much a cliche.
Spouse meets another man/woman, withdraws from the marriage, and moves on. Left behind spouse is left in shock, trying to pick up the pieces and figure out what went wrong.
Of course she is sleeping with him. Whether or not you can prove adultry is another matter. It doesn't sound like she would contest a divorce filing regardless, and that is probably going to be your next step.
The only unusual thing is the age difference. Maybe she's looking for the father that she never had...a position you were in no place to fill. Would that make you feel any better?
I won't say it gets better, because you don't want to hear that. It's going to be a rollercoaster, with each dip not quite as low, and each peak slightly higher.
Hang in there, it's going to be a rough ride.
Click More for the next page.
