I love you (part II) readytomoveforward: Just know that I see your name on my buddy list and have to ignore it b/c I “have to be strong” and “fight the urge.” Every time my phone rings I get nervous b/c I think it is you calling me, and when it is…I go into a panic and don’t answer the first time. I want you to wonder what I am doing and to miss me. So then I listen to your voicemails over and over and when I am ready to put on an act that I am doing something interesting and not being a lame ass sitting on the couch watching a movie waiting to hear your voice, I then answer and am in pure bliss as we just talk. Just know that everything, every part of me, desires to hear your voice and see you. This is taking a lot of work and a shit load of patience and understanding, but in the end it is all worth the suffering if we are able to make it through this.
I know Melissa, god I know that I made mistakes. I never denied that and never will deny that. In fact, I chose to do the opposite. I chose to take those mistakes, every single one of them, and analyze what I did and figure out why I did what I did. I took those mistakes and headed them face on and let them shape me into the person I am right now and for the person I am going to be for the rest of my life. I do understand if what I did was too much for you too ever come back to me. I do understand if there is too much pain that you suffered and can’t ever let your guard down. Deep down I truly want you to be happy. That is all that I want. So if it means not being with me, I will be okay with that, as long as you are truly happy.
We have a ton of amazing memories together; I could write a book there are so many. I do not want to be in the same relationship we were in before, please know that. What I want is to start over; I want to begin a new chapter in our book and to never forget about how this has made us healthier and stronger. Please take this note and let me know if you can find it in your heart to truly forgive me and give me a second chance. I wont let you down-on my grandfathers grave!
