Re: Is this hypothetical person sorry, or not? alonewith2: [quote author=crushingman link=topic=40520.msg448974#msg448974 date=1169934697">
The point is that talk is cheap. When someone says they are sorry for something, yet continues to hurt the person they purport to be sorry to, their actions say that they are NOT sorry.
cm
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The problem is that you think anytime a wife decides to leave her husband, she is causing him pain, and the only way to alleviate that pain is to reconcile. That is not always the case.
Re: Is this hypothetical person sorry, or not? crushedman: Not true, alone2b. But I'll say this: the VAST majority of the time that a wife leaves her husband, she DOES cause him tremendous pain. Just read these threads and you'll see why I feel that way. Also, IMO the vast majority of divorces CAN be worked out. It takes maturity, patience, honest self examination. commitment, dedication, persevarence, et all... you know, WORK.
the artist formerly known as crushedman
Re: Is this hypothetical person sorry, or not? foreverblue: Can you not understand that sometimes the husbands pain is greater if the wife stays, than if she leaves?
Re: Is this hypothetical person sorry, or not? alonewith2: [quote author=crushingman link=topic=40520.msg449729#msg449729 date=1170067852">
Not true, alone2b. But I'll say this: the VAST majority of the time that a wife leaves her husband, she DOES cause him tremendous pain. Just read these threads and you'll see why I feel that way. Also, IMO the vast majority of divorces CAN be worked out. It takes maturity, patience, honest self examination. commitment, dedication, persevarence, et all... you know, WORK.
the artist formerly known as crushedman
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I wasn't trying to say that there isn't any pain. Believe me, I know the pain. I was pointing out that your standard reply (to the women who left) is that they should reconcile and that's the only option. In the scenario you posted above, if the wife would've left and STAYED away, the man wouldn't have endured all them years of pain.
Re: Is this hypothetical person sorry, or not? crushedman: I would say that it's theoretically possible, but in the VAST majority of cases I believe it's just a crutch that leavers use as a justification to make themselves feel better. If you read the stories, it's a common justification given by leavers. But in all the stories I've ever read and all the people I've ever known that have been left, I've NEVER ONCE heard someone say that they hurt less that their spouse left than if they had stayed.
This is how I see it: being cheated on is a BETRAYAL. It's a horrible thing to endure. BUT when that same person leaves it's ABANDONMENT and REJECTION. It makes it much, much tougher to take. Also, most of the time when a leaver leaves, they go right into the arms of another man/woman. So now the left behind spouse is forced to imagine, wonder what the sex is like, what they are doing together, how happy they are. Pure and simple- it's hell. It's wrong.
Here is the million dollar question for you foreverblue:
Would your husband agree that you leaving is causing less pain than if you had stayed? Because if he would say no to that question, you are just deluding yourself and attaching a false motive to your actions, as many other have done before you and many others will follow.
cm
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