Re: Is this hypothetical person sorry, or not? crushedman: alone-
Yes, it's true that in my example if the wife had left the husband would not have endured years of pain. It's also true that if she never beat him, he wouldn't have endured it. It's also true that at any time she had the power to stop herself from beating him. The "I was compelled to do it" argument holds 0 weight with me. We are not prisoners of preordination in this world. We all make our own decisions.
cm
Re: Is this hypothetical person sorry, or not? foreverblue: cm
My husband and I spent hours talking yesterday, really talking, for the first time. His answer to that question would be yes. My leaving is giving him a chance to deal with his anger without making an ugly situation uglier. His pain is very real, and I don't for a second, begrudge him one ounce of that. He forgave me my indescretion, and thanked me for giving him the time and the space, to get to a place where we could sit across the table from each other without screaming. What happens now is anybodies guess. We have agreed to keep talking, and if we can rebuild what has been torn apart, we will. If not, we will remain friends. You must understand that my infidelity was the final straw, but was by no means, the only one.
Re: Is this hypothetical person sorry, or not? alonewith2: I just don't understand why you are so one-sided in your arguments. I don't believe I've ever seen you tell a man who left his wife that the only option is to reconcile. You save that argument for the women only.
I still say that if the man stayed in that relationship you described above, I don't feel sorry for him. If someone was beating me on a regular basis, I'd LEAVE! If someone's actions over time repeated itself, I'd LEAVE! Which is exactly what I did.
My husband cheated on me. I kicked him out. Then we reconciled about 1 1/2 years later. He cheated on me again. I kicked him out for good! So by your statements, I should be miserable because my husband isn't here in my life. When in all actuality, I'm happier than I've ever been. I don't deserve a man who will continously cheat on me. I deserve better.
So do the men you keep referring to. If they decide to pine away the rest of their years wanting the wife back who left them, cheated on them, abused them, etc, then they are short changing their own happiness. There comes a point when the responsibility for their happiness falls into their own laps.
Re: Is this hypothetical person sorry, or not? foreverblue: Cheers a2.
cm; you have to realize that there are two sides in a marriage. Nothing is the sole responsibility of one spouse. If two people can't work [color=red"> together[/color"> to make it work, then the marriage is doomed. You both have to want it to have it. The decision to stay and take the abuse is that persons choice, the decision to leave is the others. The togetherness is gone.
Re: Is this hypothetical person sorry, or not? pluscachange: An "I'm sorry" without a reform in behavior is simply manipulative. Apologies imply that the behavior was regretted and will not be willfully entered into again. Words "I'm sorry" followed by a repeat behavior over and over again means that she's not sorry, and that she's a liar.
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