Re: Former versions of self Topaz: No, I don't think it's bad that he reminds you of your ex.
The more relationships I have, the more it seems like there's a progression, and that one person has led, thematically in a way, to another.
One of the things, as I mentioned before, that I liked about my ex was his physical energy. When I first met him, he had a shine to him when he moved. I don't see it so much anymore - his aura seems a little damaged, but I think he's getting back on track. One of the things that I liked about the guy I met yesterday at the zendo was his physicality. I could feel the strength and grace coming from his heart/solar plexus/torso, and it was very appealing. So that in a way is a progression, something good that I've taken from the relationship with the ex, I think. I hope.
Re: Former versions of self katbuttkid: Yeah, that's another weird thing we have in common-- the solar plexus appealation.
JOhn's solar plexus energy was so robust. I find that really alluring.
This man doesn't have that.
What he has is this grace, a deliberation with every move.
John could balance his whole body on his hands on the floor-- face down, (elbows bent at the waist)-- feet straight out behind him, and then lift himself up (feet, legs, everything-- nothing making contact wiht the floor but his palms), tuck his feet under him wihtout touching the floor, and then put his feet straight out in front of him, face up- still nothing but palms touching-- and hold it.
It was one of his Parlor tricks.
Mine was to show how I could NOT do the same move!
Ben, my son's dad, had a lot of physical virtues too. ALways jumping off crazy high places and landing just right. Flipping a skateboard nose to tail or flipping it over, while he, and the skateboard vaulted over a fence. Fast runner... both he and John once climbed a super tall elementary school flag pole-- sorta to compete with each other. Ben made it to the top. John didn't.
Ben also dropped from the top, and landed just right! Stunt man!
I thought it served John right to be outshone back then. I always thought John was doing to compete and be a show off, and I always thought Ben did his to show JOhn he wasn't so exceptional.
I reminded myself of that a lot during the marriage-- how Ben found it so easy to candidly but sportingly just say "Nope, you' aint all that" simply by doing something better and being humble about it (or at least acting humble about it).
Anyway, it's weird. Lately, I think I like John again. Not as in love him romantically or want to talk to him. But I can talk about his admirable traits and appreciate them. C-note was saying that for a while, his x wife was as beautiful on the outside as he found her to be on the inside, and that really resonated with me... heck, it even shows in the picture he posted of her (anything goes thread Pics of X's). John was like that for me too...
And on top of it was the solar plexus energy.
I really can't blame myself for falling for him...
He had too much appeal for me to resist, and I didn't know about the cost:benefit ratio of resisting. Or about handling red flags (whihc I didn't see then, but on some level felt all the same).
Still not sure how to handle red flags, to be honest, or the feeling of them.
Tree
Re: Former versions of self Topaz: [quote author=tree link=topic=40524.msg450403#msg450403 date=1170109081">
I really can't blame myself for falling for him...
He had too much appeal for me to resist, and I didn't know about the cost:benefit ratio of resisting. Or about handling red flags (whihc I didn't see then, but on some level felt all the same).
Still not sure how to handle red flags, to be honest, or the feeling of them.
Tree
[/quote">
Oh, me either. It's hard when you're caught up in that rush of emotion to see things and people for what they are. I guess the best we can do is recognize our capacity for that behavior and keep talking about it.
xox Trixie
