Having dates me makes think about my ex -- why? Mango25: OK, I'm at 5 weeks no contact -- which I consider a small miracle. He is seeing someone else and we have been very over for 3 1/2 months. I have two dates lined up this weekend, but, if anything, I'm more sad than ever. Why?
Why does having dates make me sad and anxious instead of excited and happy?
Why am I thinking about him MORE instead of less?
He has been dating someone for a while, so why do I feel like I'm cheating on someone? I'm not, but I feel like I love someone else, and am going on these dates? How screwy is that?
It makes me so angry that I feel bad about this, but he could be seeing me and dating someone else and not bat an eye. WTF?
Why do I just want to cry? Am I EVER going to be able to trust or love someone else?
SO FRUSTRATED!
Re: Having dates me makes think about my ex -- why? wizer_now: You could be my ex.
Check out my other thread.
Are you?
If not...I can give you the guy's point of view, because we are in a VERY similar situation, right down to the timeframe.
Re: Having dates me makes think about my ex -- why? jmarie: Hey Mango,
In part you feel a loyalty to your x-husband. This is okay. You were building a loyalty to him everyday when you were married. Most of us certainly didn't imagine having to date anyone ever again!
Try to relax as much as you can. Once you get through your first couple of dates, you'll feel better, not worse. My advice would be to not sleep with anyone quite yet...just go and meet these guys (they are strangers remember!) and don't beat yourself up if you're comparing them to your ex. Just remember your ex has a considerable advantage--all of the time you guys spent together--so you're comparing apples to oranges.
Also, everything is not as simple as feeling "happy" or "sad", as we're all learning. A healthy mix of emotions when you begin dating again means you've been paying attention and that you're emotionally in the game.
Good luck
J ;)
Re: Having dates me makes think about my ex -- why? Mango25: Not your ex, sorry.
My story is messed up. I've never been married. My ex and I were together for a year and a half, and talked about getting married. I want kids, and he couldn't decide if he did, after telling me that nothing would make him happier when we got together. Nice. We broke up, then were trying to work it out until I found out about the OW -- who he started screwing two weeks after telling me that he wanted to get married and have a child. I was heartbroken. Now I'm heartbroken and very, very angry. He has so clearly moved on and I, so clearly, can't. I feel like I'm going to stay in this hell forever and ever. I'm jealous of her, angry at him and sorry for myself. Why anyone even wants to go out with me is a mystery. Why, instead of enjoying this a just feel worse is just plain unfair.
Re: Having dates me makes think about my ex -- why? wizer_now: You are not seeing yourself in a positive way because he has rejected you and left you for another, and you are suffering from low self esteem, which is coloring your self perception.
You are probably much more datable than you think!
Look on the bright side. You didn't get married, and more importantly, no children. So no collateral damage to them, and no lifelong ties to him.
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