So mad at both men!!! flipflopnomore: Ok here is my vent. May sound stupid, but here goes.
My stbxh is not my kids dad. He was their stepdad and they were very close. It has been so devastating to my kids that he left. He has maintained limited contact with them and says he loves them etc. He has also lied to them during the past 7 months about coming home etc. telling them he still loves me and wants to work it out, but does nothing.
Ok, today my 17 year old daughter went to my stbxh's daughter's soccer game. She is 9. I don't think stbxh knew my daughter was coming. I told my daughter ahead of time that his new "friend"/OW may be there and not to be shocked. He swears they are just "friends" but I know better. Whatever. So, she gets there and he just waves and smiles at her from a distance. But the "friend" is there too. He didn't even come over and say hi to my daughter!!! She was sorta upset so she left after a few minutes. She sent me a text saying that he has never blown her off like that and that she feels that she means nothing to him anymore. I know he is entitled to go on with his life and if his "friend" wants to be there its his choice, but I hate her being hurt in the process. He has lied to her so much. Oh, I guess the friend walked by my daughter and said HI. My daughter said she couldn't say hi back. She probably should have, but I guess she has a lot of resentment there.
So then she forwarded a text she got from him after the game "Hi, thanks for coming to M's game. It meant alot to her and to me. Love you". He blew her off and then sends her that???!! I know I am probably over reacting.
I was talking on the phone with my new sorta bf. ( we have only been dating about a month, nothing serious) and told him I had to go and talk with my daughter. He asked why and I told him. He knows the whole story. He knows they were very tight and how hurt my kids have been by all of this. He told me that what my daughter did was very rude by not saying hi to this OW. He had absolutely no compassion for how hurt she was. I know, technically my stbxh did nothing wrong, but it still was hurtful to my daughter and I felt bad for her. Nobody wants to see thier kids hurt.
To me it was a fact that stbxh was their stepdad and they loved him. They were hurt by his leaving and all of his actions since then. I don't encourage a continuing relationship with him, but I can't stop it either. She probably shouldn't have gone to the game but she did. But it kind of brings up a red flag to me that my bf couldn't understand that she was hurt and thought she was some horrible kid for not saying hi to "friend"/OW.
Waht do you all think? I am probably over reacting.
Re: So mad at both men!!! Fendann: Throw people into an awkward situation, and they will do odd things.
Maybe you're overreacting, maybe not. His feelings for your kids may not have changed after leaving, but again, he was in an odd situation, too. It seems as though he wasn't expecting your daughter to be there. I would have felt weirded out, too...
Re: So mad at both men!!! Lumpy: I don't think you're overreacting at all. He should have approached her and introduced his "friend" regardless of how embarrassed he might be.
Re: So mad at both men!!! flipflopnomore: I have been trying to separate my anger and resentment towards him and try to understand why he did what he did. I guess I just don't understand how he still tells me he loves me, misses our family, and our divorce is wrong and then continues to hang out with "friend". He just said this stuff a week ago!!!!
I just talked with my daughter and told her that I think he does love her, but felt akward. She still feels like he abandoned her and not just me. I hate when my kids hurt. He is such a liar.
Ok, what do you think about how bf reacted? I am kinda put off by it. I know its wierd for him that my kids are hurt by stbxh. But its the truth. It doesn't mean they don't like him, but why did he have to get so upset by my daughters reaction?
Re: So mad at both men!!! Lumpy: I'd call him out regarding the incident with your daughter. Don't get nasty or anything, just let him know that you didn't appreciate it. As far as him still saying he loves you, actions trump words. I'm sure he stills has feelings for you but he's with someone else. Try not to get stuck on what he says.
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