Re: So mad at both men!!! flipflopnomore: ****putting my head down****
Yes I do sometimes. So its my own fault. I can't say I don't love him anymore because I do. I just know that things will never change.
I am going to respond to your other post because I think it kinda relates.
Re: So mad at both men!!! wizer_now: [quote author=flipflopnomore link=topic=40543.msg449118#msg449118 date=1169945352"> So its my own fault. I can't say I don't love him anymore because I do. I just know that things will never change.[/quote">
Knowing what you do and why you do it is a big step in the healing process.
Re: So mad at both men!!! crushedman: I think what your new BF said is so out of line it's not even funny. That's a HUGE red flag, IMO.
cm
Re: So mad at both men!!! alonewith2: I have experience on this situation from a couple different angles.
1. I was the stepchild who was blown off by her stepdad. My stepdad left my mom when I was a senior in highschool...so right around age 17. I was very hurt that he never said goodbye to me, never bothered to talk to me again, or any of that stuff. He wasn't my real dad, but since my dad lived so far away and we were only able to see him once or twice a year, my stepdad filled the role of "father figure" from the time I was 6 until I was 17. The pain is as real as having your own father walk out of your life. It always made me feel as if he never really considered us "all" a family.
2. My stbxh is not the father of my son. He was, however, a part of his life from age 6 months until our final separation which started when my son was 7. My son looked to his step dad as the father figure since he only saw his real father every other weekend. He still thinks a lot of his step dad. It hurts him immensely to see his stepdad come over and pick up his sister, but not him. He questions it all the time, and still doesn't seem to understand it. I'm caught in a bind because I can't force my stbxh to spend time with my son. I tell him constantly what he does to my son by "promising" things and then not coming through in the end. He doesn't seem to get it either. And since I was the forgotten step child, my heart fully feels the impact on my son.
So what do you do? I have no freaking idea. I've been wrestling with this same issue for years and still can't figure anything out.
I wish I could help, but I wanted you to know that I can understand exactly how you feel.
As far as the boyfriend, if he can't even try to understand what you and your daughter are going through, then maybe he isn't the right man for you. :-\
Re: So mad at both men!!! superwife: [quote author=flipflopnomore link=topic=40543.msg449100#msg449100 date=1169943647">
I know hes sick of stbxh and the fact that he is still such a presence in my life. He needs to understand that I am not officially divorced yet, its only been 7 months and my kids (and me) are still hurt. Not to mention stbxh texts me alot still. But that is the reality of my messed up life. [/quote">
Let him decide if it's too much for him. I'm pretty sure he'll let you know if he is. Maybe just gently mention that you realize this may be a lot for him to take on, but don't keep bringing it up. He knows you are not divorced, he knows you and your kids are affected by this. That is where I was with my last bf, it was still fresh with drama on a regular basis. He was 'one of us' too, and he dealt with it. My current bf, on the other hand, is not one of us. Honestly, if I had met him last year, I don't know if it would have worked, given the emotional state of mind I was in then. I may be wrong, but I really think the timing is better now, because things have calmed down.
[quote"> Maybe men are not worth it.
[/quote">
Maybe not now. But again, let him decide if you are worth it. He'll stick around if he thinks you are.
