Re:Sign papers tomorrow Tantan: Thanks Druid and Kinney.
Druid what your described is exactly how I feel.
You still love them but its not who they are now, its the person you fell in love with that you miss and are still in love with ( i think ).
My husband also told me I took him for granted, i didnt pay attention, in fact I didnt even love him.
i love my husband and family so much, it breaks my heart that he can even say such a thing. I was a devoted, loyal, faithful wife...but apparently that doesnt mean anything.
Im 28 and i feel like my life is so messed up.
Druid, I really think these are things they say to make themselves feel better about the bad choices they have made.
Hang in.......I will try to as well.
Kinney,
I long for my husband to call me up everyday and tell me he wants to work things out but then i think, how would I ever be able to take him back anyway ? How would I ever trust him ? I think we need to feel valued by them, and the only way we would feel that is if they wanted us back but in reality do we really want them back ??
Re:Sign papers tomorrow Tantan: recentlydiscarded,
Im so sorry you are going through this.
Im with cloud, take some time.
I have been through so many ups and downs over the past few months. It took me a while to get to the point in which I was able to say that I think the divorce is the best thing for me.
I still think its a big mistake but I know that I can no longer stay married to him and keep my self respect.
Its OK to take time, be tru to yourself sweetie, do whats best for you and nobody else but you.
You are of great value, remember that.
Tania
Re:Sign papers tomorrow Druid13: No problem for the comments. I have wandered between feeling sorry for nmyself over things to getting angry to feeling sad....so I have felt the entire spectrum here. I am 38....so don't feel bad about being 28. I was married 14 years....I don't care one damn bit what she says about my love for her....she says that to feel better about herself...and if she 'needs' to tell herself those things what does that really say about her happiness she supposedly has now? If she has to believe a lie....if she has to believe I did not love her...it is all denial to me. She made an incredibly bad call in my opinion...I've gotten angry over the person she is now married to ( divorced in Dec remarried in March- wasted no time) but frineds remind me my anger should be for her. I've seen her face to face once since she announced her marriage...once. I talk to her in email only since then only in regards to decisions with my daughter...I don't feel she wants to face me. I am short with her if she calls ...civil but not real friendly...how can I be? I am not a perfect person...I made mistakes...her questioning my love for her...to me...is a joke.
Re:Sign papers tomorrow Tantan: Its really freaks me out everyones stories kind of sound the same.
Druid, I can relate to what you are feeling 100%.
Your wife remarried really quickly, how lond did she know this guy ?
Sometimes i wonder what these people are thinking, They are leaving a marriage because they say they are so unhappy, they are ignored etc...etc... but they go and make totally unhealthy, stupid choices that are only going to end up with causing more unhappiness. If I was that unhappy I would have to look inside my own self first and see what wre my own issues causing me to feel this way. Self work before jumping into the next mans bed, how does that solve anything? You just bring your same set of problems to the next relationship, through in your baggabe from you first marriage......doesnt seem like the best choice to me.
Its very difficult to be friendly while you are still grieving the relationship, it should not even be expected. My husband wants us to be friends, as someone said earlier, thats just a slap in the face.
I wish i had some great advice to give you....
Re:Sign papers tomorrow Druid13: She had been having an affiar over a three year period....off and on. I suppose her relationship grew there. Although everything I've ever heard is that relationships that start from something like that rarely last. I am not going to say I was perfect...far from it...the depression I had caused me to escape into beer for awhile Not healthy. When push came to shove though I wanted to work on saving things...this is one of the big changes I've made for myself. I throw myself into the gym or biking instead of that delusion. However I have also learned for myself the reason I felt so bad was that in fact I DID love her...knowing what had occured crushed me in every way imaginable. I never felt 'right' about things for a three year period. My confidence was gone...etc. I even told her these things at the time that I was hurting...unconfident...she took it as "you blame me for everything"...well? Still I feel her new life is a mirage. And someone else on his end was hurt through this as well ( his ex).
I read that people remarrying within 2 years of divorce have about a 15% survival rate...and that marriages starting as affairs have even less chance...seriously makes me wonder at times about all of this.
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