Hard to tell who left first...my story Pt. 1 siqtde: I've been married to my stbxh for almost 10 years. I got married young, and although I had a lot of male friends, I didn't date very much at all before that. I lived a pretty sheltered life.
My husband started losing his sight while we were dating, and even then, he tried to push me away from the marriage, saying I didn't deserve to have to take care of a blind man, that I could do better. But I was in love, and his disability never bothered me, so we got married, and things were okay- at first.
He would constantly say little things to me, and later say he was "just kidding". Always telling me one thing, then another. How I needed to learn how to listen to him more, I needed to pay more attention to things, yet telling me I was the best thing to ever happen to him, how he just couldn't go on without me. You get the idea, constant head games. Still I stayed, excusing his verbal barbs as that was "just the way he was". Even in front of relatives, and later, our child, and still I let it happen. His controlling behavior continually got worse, he would call my cell, or whoever's house I was in nearly every half hour to see what I was up to and where I was. He says it was because he worries about me being alone and getting home safe, I say it's his need to always be in control. He would be rude, snippy, downright disrespectful to me, and to our daughter.
For the last couple of years, things really got bad. I told him I wanted counseling. He said no, it would mean we were admitting we had a problem, and if we really wanted to work it out, we could try to work it out ourselves. Well guess what, that didn't work either. Our daily routine would consist of getting up, going to work (and we work together, so we are ALWAYS around each other) and coming home, where he would put on his headphones and want to be left alone the rest of the day. Affection was nonexistent, days would go by without so much as a good morning hug or kiss. He shut me out. After a while, I grew so unattached to him that it didn't even bother me that we hadn't had any (and I mean any) physical contact for almost 3 years. Yep, you heard me, years.
My marriage has been over for years, but I didn't have the strength to end it. But I saw no happy future in it either. This was it. This was the way it was always going to be, him completely dependent on me for everything, and yet, not appreciating any of it. Finally one day, I had had enough. I told him I wanted some space to think things over. He didn't want to leave. Not because he was scared of losing me, but because he didn't know who was going to take care of him! He tried to guilt-trip me out of it, saying that our daughter didn't deserve to live in a broken home, never minding that he just wanted her out of his way most of the time. Don't get me wrong, I know he loves her, but he sorely lacks in parenting skills. And I refuse to have my daughter subjected to any more than what she's already been through.
