Learning from their mistakes wizer_now: I was having a conversation with CM, and he came up with the following quote (below), which really got me thinking.
How many relationships would be salvageable, regardless of what has transpired, if only both sides would really learn from their mistakes, and simply stop making them?
I for one, believe that mine would have been. I feel that (through therapy and experience) I have learned enough about myself that I would have been able to do my part. She hasn't budged an inch, and will probably blame me for her problems for the rest of her life...but that's a side issue.
Anyway, if you have made it this far, please read crushingman's excellent post, and respond with your own thoughts.
[quote author=crushingman link=action=profile;u=5179 date=1169929623"> I read something in your last post that I can 100% relate to. That your wife won't own up to her mistakes. My XGF was/is the exact same way. That is something that will make you NUTS. Here is the unfortunate lesson I've learned- when someone refuses to face their mistakes and own up to them, their mistakes WILL be repeated. Except the mistakes will get more and more drastic. And for guys like you and I, if we stay with them we will just be in the line of fire. I'm like you. I wish things were different. If she would be willing to face her issues (and I be willing to face mine, which I believe I am), I KNOW things could work. But she's not. And your wife isn't either. Sucks, doesn't it?
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Re: Learning from their mistakes flipflopnomore: Ok.
I think my relationship with stbxh could have been salvageable IF we could both just say I am sorry, this marriage is more important than my pride, and I am willing to make the changes and do the work.
When stbxh left I was desperate. I begged, pleaded, cried, whatever just to get him to change his mind. I told him I was willing to live with his "issues", which are big ones just to have another chance. I sold my soul.
I know my stbxh is miserable. He drinks like a fish now, he calls and texts when hes drinking and spills his guts. He completely regrets his decision to leave, but is so prideful or fearful of looking stupid and/or weak that he keeps going on his dysfunctional merry way. He cries that he is so sorry for hurting me and the kids, but never takes the step to make it right.
To me, thats sad. This whole thing has forced me to look in the mirror and realize I made mistakes and am not perfect. I told him this, but it just wasn't enough.
Re: Learning from their mistakes alonewith2: If my stbxh would have stopped lying and cheating, we could have made it.
He didn't blame me for those actions, but he didn't really care to stop.
Re: Learning from their mistakes wizer_now: FFNM and A02,
Thanks for your responses.
[quote author=flipflopnomore link=topic=40553.msg449124#msg449124 date=1169945718"> I begged, pleaded, cried, whatever just to get him to change his mind...I know my stbxh is miserable. He completely regrets his decision to leave... He cries that he is so sorry for hurting me and the kids, but never takes the step to make it right.
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It sounds like the two of you have been, and presently are, really missing each other and wanting to go back. Counseling?
[quote author=alonewith2 (SNB) link=topic=40553.msg449128#msg449128 date=1169945968">
If my stbxh would have stopped lying and cheating, we could have made it...He didn't blame me for those actions, but he didn't really care to stop.
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Then he didn't learn from his mistakes and he is still making them. And he probably always will.
Re: Learning from their mistakes flipflopnomore: I tried everything. He would rather let the divorce go thru than let the world know he made a mistake. Very sad.
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