Re: Takes big 'ovaries' for her to ask katbuttkid: I know I'm probably the only person who thinks this, but if I had the money, what the hell? Go ahead and gift it to her. It might make you feel better, and like you said "things could have been different" and you put that burden of making them so on her solely.
I know she fucked the neighbor and lives across the street, and I know that must suck. I know it seems outrageous of her to have asked you for money. But this was also an opportuinity to put some distance, to be immune to her completely, and be a stand up guy.
I wouldn't take it any further, and I wouldn't ask for anything in return. But it's an outlet for "making things different" and changing that dynamic some. Not because she deserves it. But because it could be a lot more interesting and a new chapter to have done so.
< again, this is just me, and my 2 cents.
Tree
Re: Takes big 'ovaries' for her to ask alonewith2: Interesting POV, Tree. Do you think it honestly would stop at the $5000? What's stopping her from thinking, "He did it once, he'll do it again?"
I *did* give my stbxh some money a few times when we first split up. All it did was reinforce his thinking of "I can live my life however I want because my stbxw will be there to bail me out."
Re: Takes big 'ovaries' for her to ask guest233: [quote author=alonewith2 (SNB) link=topic=40555.msg449338#msg449338 date=1170001291">
My stbxh still asks me for money once in awhile. I told him the same thing ~ Get a second job or have his live in girlfriend get a better job than the part time one she has. His reply was that his quality of life would drastically decline if he had to work more hours than he already does, and that he couldn't ask anything of his girlfriend because he didn't feel right in doing so. ::)
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What a freakin lossa. Hey my ex want even get a job, part time or anything. She only pays $37 a week in CS for 4 kiddos because she does not work. She says all she could get is a minimum wage job at best. Well thats better than nothing. WTH is wrong with these people.
Re: Takes big 'ovaries' for her to ask guest233: [quote author=tree link=topic=40555.msg449342#msg449342 date=1170001751">
I know I'm probably the only person who thinks this, but if I had the money, what the hell? Go ahead and gift it to her. It might make you feel better, and like you said "things could have been different" and you put that burden of making them so on her solely.
I know she f-cked the neighbor and lives across the street, and I know that must suck. I know it seems outrageous of her to have asked you for money. But this was also an opportuinity to put some distance, to be immune to her completely, and be a stand up guy.
I wouldn't take it any further, and I wouldn't ask for anything in return. But it's an outlet for "making things different" and changing that dynamic some. Not because she deserves it. But because it could be a lot more interesting and a new chapter to have done so.
< again, this is just me, and my 2 cents.
Tree
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Oh hell no. She could get it on her own if she wanted it. Besides if she is in such bad shape money wise and health wise, how is she gonna run a business.
PS: Tree if you have any $ you wanna give out, I will be glad to give you my address.
Re: Takes big 'ovaries' for her to ask katbuttkid: You're all exactly right.
he has no option. This is just insane of her, normal people don't ask.
Normal people don't cheat, or move across the street. Normal people don't want to keep any sort of relationship with their X. they want to go on with their lives being estranged, not caring, and being glad for it. They don't want to value any sort of relationship they used to have, even 2 years post divorce.
Ok I am two years post ivorce, and I'd lend it to my Xh, or the other way around. I could ask him, and I betcha he'd give it to me.
And I wouldn't ask him again, and I'd only ask him if I super needed it, as a last resort.
this isn't COMPLETELY unheard of. It really isn't.
But it is a chance to reform some boundaries and recreate a new way of knowing each other.
I am not "spending anyone's money". Its not like I have her restuarant all picked out, or like I told her, or that he'll listen to me.
I think it's sad that everyone here is so anti being nice.
People fuck up all the time, People are lame all the time. What are you going to do? Blacklist everyone who ever did anything to you, and not even TRY to be a better person?
Just stick it to them on some "You hurt me, i'll make you pay" petty BS scehmatic?
What a sentance to sign up for.
I have forgiven my XH, and he was just as bad as this man's wife... in a different way. The difference mostly is that I've forgiven him now. I REALLY don't care what he's up to. I could see him in the store and say "Hey, dude. What's up?" and honestly want to know.
I guess what I'm responding to is the claim that he's over it.
I think he's getting there. And I think this, or something liek it would help him. But maybe going to her opening night would be sufficient.
For me, there's just a lot more freedom thinking outside the box. I think it helps you heal when you can rise above your emotions and do something kind for someone who hurt you.
But I guess not everyone can do that. I realize there was a time when it would have seemed ludicrius to me too. I just wouldn't have had the stamina to keep my stance because it was still too fresh and I was too hurt.
Tree
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