bad bad day MelanieW: Well I managed to make it a week without too much trouble in the house. Last night, the sh*t hit the fan.
My stbxh left for about 6 hours to go the the VA hospital due to a fall he had taken the night before. I was left at home with my 2 boys, and his daughter. When he got home, he was pumped up on morphine shots they had given him, and some other medicine called toradol. I guess the kids had not done their chores to his satisfaction because he started in on my 2 boys about their chores right away. Then went to his daughter and asked why she had played on the computer when her chore wasnt done. It turned out she told him I had been on her butt all day! It was a complete lie! I tried to defend myself, but it ended up again with him telling me what a crappy wife I was, what a horrible mother I was, how I did everything wrong in the marriage, and it actually came out of his mouth that HE had been perfect in our 7 years together. I was so stunned! I sat there for about an hour, taking what he said and doing my best to not believe that what he said about me being a horrible human being was right. Finally his phone rang...I knew by the "hey baby" who it was and took that time to leave the room. Which he followed me about 30 seconds later. Yelling at me about a new friend of mine. To tell him hi. This guy was a friend trying to help me through what I am going through. What I cant figure out is why he cares who I hang out with.
Next thing I know he is in my 13 yr old sons face, yelling that..."your mom needs to tell you about your new daddy!...shes gonna keep us apart!". I got up and tried to shut the door, telling him to leave my son alone. He refused to move. I reminded him that he was in MY bedroom and invading my personal space, but he just stood there yelling at me. Finally I called the cops. Because he didnt hit me, nothing actually happened. I spent the night in my room, allowing both of my boys to get out of the house and go spend the night with a friend.
I want out of here so bad, and having patience, knowing that I will do what I have to do eventually is not helping. I believe I want out more than he wants me out. I have been going to work, and staying away from him as much as possible. I am afraid everytime I leave the house that I wont be able to come back in. My nerves are just shot. I'm at a loss for what to do. Any suggestions would be helpful!
Re: bad bad day wizer_now: [quote author=MelanieW link=topic=40573.msg449408#msg449408 date=1170010752">
I'm at a loss for what to do. Any suggestions would be helpful!
[/quote">
I don't know your situation, and I'm not going to read your back posts, however, I will assume that since he is your "stbxh" that you are in the divorce process, and eventually one of you is going to move out, but at the moment you are stuck under the same roof, and hostilities are running high.
[quote author=MelanieW link=topic=40573.msg449408#msg449408 date=1170010752"> It turned out she told him I had been on her butt all day! It was a complete lie! [/quote">
Why would your daughter lie to your stbx, knowing that it will start trouble? Is she trying to play you two against each other? Your problems with her need to be addressed, preferrably through counseling, and if that fails, a good smack in the face (just kidding).
[quote author=MelanieW link=topic=40573.msg449408#msg449408 date=1170010752">
I tried to defend myself[/quote">
Why bother? He's not listening to you anyway.
[quote author=MelanieW link=topic=40573.msg449408#msg449408 date=1170010752"> it ended up again with him telling me what a crappy wife I was, what a horrible mother I was, how I did everything wrong in the marriage...I sat there for about an hour, taking what he said
[/quote">
Don't stand there and listen to it...for an hour no less. Turn and walk away. If he follows you, get in your car and go for a drive. Or put on some headphones and listen to some mp3's while he stands there trying to yell at you and tell you things you don't need to hear.
[quote author=MelanieW link=topic=40573.msg449408#msg449408 date=1170010752">
it actually came out of his mouth that HE had been perfect in our 7 years together. I was so stunned!
[/quote">
Stop being surprised that he blames you for all your problems. That's what most people do. It's not all your fault.
[quote author=MelanieW link=topic=40573.msg449408#msg449408 date=1170010752">
doing my best to not believe that what he said about me being a horrible human being
[/quote">
He's almost got you believing that? Maybe you should ask some other people if he's right since you seem so unsure about yourself. Start with your therapist.
[quote author=MelanieW link=topic=40573.msg449408#msg449408 date=1170010752">
I knew by the "hey baby" who it was and took that time to leave the room.
[/quote">
Why wait until he's talking to his girlfriend to leave the room? The scenario that I am picturing is just pathetic. He stands there and yells at you for an hour, then stops to talk sweetly to his girlfriend, and you "sneak away". It's degrading.
[quote author=MelanieW link=topic=40573.msg449408#msg449408 date=1170010752">
he followed me about 30 seconds later. Yelling at me ...
[/quote">
So much for sneaking away.
[quote author=MelanieW link=topic=40573.msg449408#msg449408 date=1170010752">
What I cant figure out is why he cares who I hang out with.
[/quote">
He's being controlling. It does not appear that it's because he's concerned about you.
[quote author=MelanieW link=topic=40573.msg449408#msg449408 date=1170010752">
I reminded him that he was in MY bedroom and invading my personal space, but he just stood there yelling at me. Finally I called the cops. Because he didnt hit me, nothing actually happened.
[/quote">
Did he leave the room after you called the cops? If so, something good happened, even if they didn't press charges. If it worked, do it again next time. That's why you pay taxes.
[quote author=MelanieW link=topic=40573.msg449408#msg449408 date=1170010752">
I spent the night in my room, allowing both of my boys to get out of the house and go spend the night with a friend.
[/quote">
Good way to defuse the situation and let things cool.
[quote author=MelanieW link=topic=40573.msg449408#msg449408 date=1170010752">
I will do what I have to do eventually
[/quote">
Do it now, not eventually. Things are escalating. They will go from bad to worse.
[quote author=MelanieW link=topic=40573.msg449408#msg449408 date=1170010752">
I believe I want out more than he wants me out.[/quote">
I can see why that might be the case.
[quote author=MelanieW link=topic=40573.msg449408#msg449408 date=1170010752">
I have been going to work, and staying away from him as much as possible. I am afraid everytime I leave the house that I wont be able to come back in.
[/quote">
Take a sledgehammer with you. If he denies you access, one good swing at the front door (near the lock) should do the trick quite nicely. And let him pay for the repair.
Re: bad bad day Fendann: Figure out who is leaving the house, and get it done ASAP. This is not healthy for you, or the kids. LEAVE!!
Re: bad bad day MelanieW: I am in a position where I have been a stay at home for the last 7 years. I did finally find a job this last week, working for Ameritrade. Its a good job with decent pay, but my first paycheck will be only be half a paycheck. I do have family here, but most of them are over an hour away from me, and wont let me and the boys come stay for an indefinate amount of time. So I am just trying to do the best with what I have. All of my friends already have relitives living with them, or are in no position to help that way.
Hiss daughter has done this our whole marriage. Telling her dad a completely different story than what happened. She used to stand behind her dad, where I could see her, and laugh while he yelled at me for whatever I had done. She is 13, and yes we do butt heads, as a lot of teenagers do with their parents. But I have always known that his daughter would be happy if it were just her and her father. She doesnt want anyone else around.
Re: bad bad day wizer_now: [quote author=MelanieW link=topic=40573.msg449426#msg449426 date=1170013084"> I have always known that his daughter would be happy if it were just her and her father. She doesnt want anyone else around.
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Melanie, I understand. My 14 year old daughter stands by her mom and the terrible and untrue things she says about me. We rarely talk now. Luckily my younger daugher has not been poisoned...yet.
You probably have to just let her go, at least for now, just as I will probably do with my older daughter. And hope that someday they will seek the truth and find it, and come back to you (and me).
It really hurts. My eyes are filling as I write this. Which is one of the reasons I do write this. It helps to get it out.
One more piece of advice. If he gets in your personal space, and threatens you in ANY way, consider filing an RO and get him tossed out of the house. At least in my state, it's easier than you might think, and it should take some of the wind out of his sails.
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