Blame...(kinda long article) whathef?: Blame and Shame
Ok, how does the following statement strike you..."where there is blame, there is shame." (Source withheld)
Personally, I found this statement very revealing. How does it strike you?
- Anonymous
My reaction to this is that the statement you are speaking of is true more often than not. I believe that blame and shame, although related, are not the same thing though. Shame is really a reaction to blame.
Blame, or judgment, is often about avoiding personal responsibility. It is making everyone but ourselves responsible for what happens to us. Placing blame is very common in our society. Take a look at our legal system. It is choked with lawsuits because so many people are blaming someone else for their problems. It is so bad that even criminals, or their families, actually seek damages for things brought about by their own actions.
Shame, on the other hand, is a reaction to blame - real or perceived. Shame is what we feel when we have been blamed or when are feel we are going to be blamed. The problem is that once we feel shame, it is our nature to hide that which causes us to feel shame in the first place. We go about creating all sorts of means to conceal a thing or even try to pretend it doesn't exist. This develops into a larger problem because we are now basing our reality on a falsehood or a lie.
Essentially, what we have done is created a viscous cycle where no one wins. The majority of people do not want to take personal responsibility for anything around them so they go about playing the blame game. Since no one is really safe from the flying accusations, we find ourselves on the defensive. We either feel shame or go about creating diversions to avoid feeling it. Since the best defense is a good offense, we get right back into the blame game. As you can see, it's a never ending cycle.
Personally, I have come to be a very big believer in personal responsibility. I know, today, that I have a part in everything that happens to me. I've also come to understand that I have a part in every aspect of my life as well as participating in ideals that foster the actions of the world as a whole.
Today we might begin to remind ourselves that placing blame only continues the problem at hand because it does nothing to solve it. There is no question that it is very difficult to take responsibility for our own actions, let alone seeing our part in the actions of the entire world. Although we cannot change the behaviors and attitudes of anyone else, we can choose to begin with ourselves. We can keep in mind that our own attitudes affect everything else. Instead of blaming, we might wish to do our best to change our part in situations that are unpleasant and empathize with those experiencing the same problems we face. Old thought patterns are hard to break, but if we want to make a change for the better, we must be willing. If we continually walk down the same path, we will undoubtedly get to the same destination.
As for shame, or guilt, Neale Donald Walsch, author of the Conversations with God series says it far better than I could. In Conversations with God, book 3, he says:
"Guilt and fear are the only enemies of man…There is no such thing as 'wrong'. There is only that which does not serve you; does not speak the truth about Who You Are, and Who You Choose to Be. Guilt is the feeling that keeps you stuck in who you are not.
"But [most people think that shame"> is the feeling that at least lets us notice we've gone astray.
"Awareness is what you are talking about, not guilt. I tell you this: Guilt [and shame"> is a blight upon the land - the poison that kills the plant. You will not grow through guilt [and shame"> , but only shrivel and die. Awareness is what you seek. But awareness is not guilt [or shame"> , and love is not fear. Fear and guilt, I say again, are your only enemies. Love and awareness are your true friends. Yet do not confuse the one with the other, for one will kill you, while the other gives you life."
Our cycle of blame and shame is slowly killing us - both spiritually and physically. Look at the world as it is today. Not much has changed throughout our human history, at least when it comes to the underlying problems that have plagued mankind from the beginning. Yet, we continue playing the same game blaming everyone else for all of our problems and feeling or trying to avoid the feeling of shame. It hasn't seemed to get us where we claim we want to go - has it? So the statement, "where there is blame, there is shame" is telling. I believe that it is telling us to find a new way, because the path we continue to walk is getting us nowhere - except more of the same.
Re:Blame...(kinda long article) barelybreathing: Enjoyed reading your post.....
It is very correct. Blame and the "need" to blame is all about insecurities, transferrance of one's own responsibilities, etc.
The spiritual connection is true as well. When one can gladly carry the blame.....then they have truly reconciled within themselves. That is why they say, confession is good for the soul. It releaves you of so much inner turmoil.
BB
Re:Blame...(kinda long article) brokenman: Very neatly said, but I think the quote is pointing out the exact opposite of how you stated it. You said that shame is the result of blame. I think the quote is actually saying that people who feel shame are the ones that cast blame. Which is a point that you pretty much hit upon yourself.
My ex started blaming me for everything going wrong. She blamed me for things I was doing and not doing. She blamed me for things I didn't even know about. Ah, but where there is blame there is shame! So I could have guessed from her blame that she was shamed by the incredible guilt of adultery long before I did otherwise.
