Re: Newly Married, unhappy, undersexed and constantly arguing. Help!!!! Mango25: and PS -- after reading your last post.
If you feel like, after arguing, you didn't say what you wanted and are still angry, that's a pretty clear signing that you need to talk and communicate more. Not fight, talk. Be kind to each other. Communicate. Try not to think about as "winning" "giving in" or being "right." It sounds like you are worried about "standing up for yourself" or being pushed around. This shouldn't be about who has more power, who is going to get his/her way, or who is right. That's kind of immature stuff. TALK to each other. Resist all urge to fight -- as you already point out, it doesn't help.
Good luck
Re: Newly Married, unhappy, undersexed and constantly arguing. Help!!!! surprised: I totally agree with Mango. And in reference to your second post, Armand, bringing up continuing issues after an argument has ended is not necessarily beating a dead horse. Like Mango said, you may still have unresolved feelings about the particular argument, and it's okay to talk (not fight, talk) about these things; otherwise, they will continue to haunt you and you will begin to feel resentment and anger. Also, remember that therapy is not a quick fix, that's why it tends to be ongoing, remember what you discussed in therapy between appointments and really live what you learn.
Re: Newly Married, unhappy, undersexed and constantly arguing. Help!!!! chaos40: run
Re: Newly Married, unhappy, undersexed and constantly arguing. Help!!!! piterek: Armand, I am also going through a marriage crisis. Although my situation is a lot different, I am seeing very familiar patterns. First off, since sex is so important to you, and it should be in a healthy marriage, I can tell you that the reason she does not want it is because of stress and frustration. To many men, sex is a purely physical act, but to women there are a lot of emotions at play. A lot of it is in the head, not between the legs. If those emotions are not in balance with the physical body then her libido will always be down.
This stress and frustration is also the cause of her tantrums. One thing I can tell you from my experience is that both of you need to communicate properly and often. Do not start off with blaming one another, but try to figure out where this is all coming from? How long have you know each other before getting married? Think back really hard...has she ever at any point before marriage exhibited these kinds of emotions and behaviors?
If she lived at home for all her life, and only moved out after she got married, then she has no experience of what it's like to live on her own and away from home. It is possible that her parents treated her like a princess at home. Perhaps she was hardly ever involved in house chores, taking care of bills, doing groceries, etc. Living with someone and owning your own home takes a lot of responsibilities, patience, and good time management skills. Perhaps she just doesn't know how to deal with everything all at once and is just overwhelmed.
If you have difficulty communicating, try writing each other letters. If you have tried counseling before, try to do it separately, not together. Just because you're in therapy together does not mean that she will be totally honest. Perhaps she is intimidated in therapy when you are with her. Allow her and yourself to attend separate sessions, but with the same therapist.
In any case, the best suggestion I can make is to communicate, communicate, and communicate. Don't over-simplify the situation and dig deep to find the root cause!
Re: Newly Married, unhappy, undersexed and constantly arguing. Help!!!! chaos40: A dog comes first?!?!?!?! RUN!
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