Re: Newly Married, unhappy, undersexed and constantly arguing. Help!!!! pluscachange: [quote author=chaos40 link=topic=40599.msg449840#msg449840 date=1170082398">
A dog comes first?!?!?!?! RUN!
[/quote">
Or at a minimum do not cede to her pushing for a child.
Re: Newly Married, unhappy, undersexed and constantly arguing. Help!!!! lostinva: The marriage should definitely be fixed before children are considered, but I don't think that "running" after only 8 months of marriage is the right thing to do. I really think individual and couples therapy is the way to go. But both partners have to be equally committed and honest in the sessions.
Re: Newly Married, unhappy, undersexed and constantly arguing. Help!!!! Chey: Armand...welcome to Ojar. It's awesome you found this site at this stage of the marriage.
I would just add a little disclaimer...please understand that a lot of the advice that you receive are from us "human beings". Based on our experiences (some bitter, some sad), so take it with a grain of salt, use what you can, but always keep in mind this is YOUR marriage, and this is the fight of your life.
First off...I have to ask....is your wife Italian? ;) I've noticed with a lot of my Italian friends, that their marriage is the first time they've left their parents/home and they struggle like crazy with not being in that cocoon anymore. They look to their husbands to keep providing that structure and discipline. This is a really dangerous relationship to slip in to. Marriages need to start off and remain equals. The fact that her family are insisting that you molly coddle her to that extreme brings up 2 issues:
1) What are her family doing involved in your marriage
2) Has she been supported to that extreme that she is not capable of functioning as an adult woman.
This will be a pretty sensitive time. You need to sit down with her. Ask her to please let you speak without interruption, and list the problem areas. Then allow her to do the same thing. And really listen to each other. The words she says may not be what she actually means.
Her need for you to come home obviously stems from a lot of over-support from her family, to which you are now being asked to step into that breach. The dog is the same thing. The dog represents her family. Again this is why the dog comes first...because so does her family.
I would absolutely say go on the honeymoon. With the stipulation that it is YOUR honeymoon. No decisions/calls to the family. Just the two of you.
You're both very young right now, and it's time you discover who the other is. It's time to become friends. Start doing a lot of activities together. Just the 2 of you. Even include the dog if she insists, that's ok too....but let her know that you are now the priority in the family. The dog will mark his territory because she allows him to be alpha Dog. It's time for you to mark YOUR territory now and stand up for what you need.
Neither of you is wrong or right....you're simply starting a new marriage on the wrong foot. The lack of sex is not the issue right now. Sex for a woman is mental, and right now she's freaking out. Stop focusing on that for now, it will come back when she's more secure in the marriage and in your ability to man up for her.
Marriage is a wonderful wonderful thing for 2 best friends. Try get back to that again. Try get your friendship back, and remind yourselves why you chose to get married in the first place. You obviously love each other...you just need to keep talking. Until you're both blue in the face if necessary, but never stop communicating.
Best of luck to you both
Chey
Re: Newly Married, unhappy, undersexed and constantly arguing. Help!!!! armand: Thank you mango25 for your sensible advice, i always find it difficult to think clearly and sensibly when thinking of my present situation.
Your messages struck a cord with me and some of what you said was said by the counsellor we met in our 3 sessions. I agree with you in that we need to talk more and i will air out any feelings i have, there is no sense letting them build up. This build up of negative emotion is bringing me down so i'd rather get it off my chest.
Obviously you only have a brief glimpse into my life but how would you suggest i go about informing her of my worries and to what extent do i tell her of my thoughts and feelings. Especially as some thoughts i have mentioned about have ended in us splitting up.
I thought maybe i should just lay it all out on the table possibly using my initial post to this website do you think this woul be a sensible course of action??
Re: Newly Married, unhappy, undersexed and constantly arguing. Help!!!! MEP2006: I think you already know what needs to happen here. Your wife has lost respect for you, and that makes it difficult for her to feel love towards you. Stand up for yourself, put her in her place when she behaves like a child, and show some serious assertion and confidence. The dog will be second place in no time. And you'll get a lot more sex.
Click More for the next page.
