Re:How did you stop caring so much? How long? Kinney26: She actually told me once, if we were meant to be together things wouldn't be this hard. I think she lives in some fantasy world or has watched to many movies.
Real life isn't always easy, especially marriage.
People are going to change as life goes on. She just chose to run away instead of working through. It is all about choosing to grow with your partner and communicate changes and needs. She didn't, she would just hint, and complain. That accomplishes nothing.She never once sat down with me and said, I am unhappy and I would like to talk about some things I would like to work on, or things that are bothering me. She just decided that because things didn't change because of her complaining that it wasn't going to. So she left.
Re:How did you stop caring so much? How long? Matt: True that Seth....
my ex- was the same way.. She subscribed to the "burger king" philosopy of marriage - aka the " I must have it my way " school of thought..
I suffered and sacrificed for her, emotionally, financially, etc.. And if it wasn't exactly what she wanted, she balked at it.. I walked around in old t-shirts and shorts with holes in them, while she went out to lunch with friends all the time, went to the spa, etc....
My kindom for a woman that can accept me , for who I am and hang in there for the long run....
Matt
Re:How did you stop caring so much? How long? recentlydiscarded: Everytime I read your posts I feel like Im reading from the pages of my own situation. Of course the evil ex in my story is HIM but the feelings and circumstances seem eerily familiar. They would probably be perfect together. They could walk all over eachother, and be happy having zero respect from either end. Ugh. How could I still love someone so cold?
Re:How did you stop caring so much? How long? seth: Great talk!
Just like Matt and Kinney, I think, my ex left w/o actually sitting down with me and having a serious discussion. Said she didn't want to issue ultimatums to me but that would have worked! We could have sat down with a pen and paper and made a list of things we could have done to make it work.
Instead, she just complained and I took her complaints to be the day-to-day b-tchings that couples go through, nothing serious, nothing we couldn't weather.
Then one day (April 3), she just leashed the dog we had had for six years and left our place, walked across the street and took up residence with her friend (just across the street!).
You can't just make serial complaints and expect action, you have to have honest communication and be up front. I wish I had had the testosterone to sit her down and tell her what I really wanted--a life's commitment. I was always afraid of the answer. From now on, I will never shy from being honest and communicative in my relationships.
Who says men can't communicate!!???
Re:How did you stop caring so much? How long? Kinney26: I agree. I think any time I did try to talk to the stbx about a problem she just took it as an insult and a battle insued. I really could never talk to her about problems. I think that is how you know if you are with a mature person who is capable of being in it for the long hall. If you can actually talk about problems and implement solutions without getting all bent out of shape and fighting about everything.
There is just a lot of things I will look for in future relationships as far as warning signs. I don't expect anyone to be perfect, but I do expect to be able to handle problems in a mature manner as they arise.
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