Denial or intuition? Dazed: Everyone I know, everyone that knows him, and even my therapist is certain that sooner or later he'll come back to me. Even my gut is certain about it. There's no telling when, but there's overwhelming consensus that he will. Either he'll see that she's everything we've told him she is, or she'll break his heart. So how do I handle my emotions in the meantime? Knowing that there's a very good chance that he'll come back and not knowing what I want, if and when he does. And how do I behave in the meantime? I know he wants to be friends, but I just can't do that. It's too painful. Besides, it allows him to have his cake and eat it too. But I also don't want to take the risk that "out of sight, out of mind" he will forget his feelings for me (feelings he still says he has for me) in the meantime. I want him to have a constant reminder of what he's missing. But how do I do that when I take myself completely out of the picture? And how do I "disappear" without the appearance of anger or punishment? I know the man I knew and loved and married and spent nearly 4 years with is under this confused persona he now wears, and I know his good nature will win out in the end. I know him far too well to believe otherwise.
So what do I do? And how do I know what to believe?
Re:Denial or intuition? recentlydiscarded: I am not gonna attempt to give you advice on the matter because frankly I dont know what to tell you. I am in the same positions in regards to my feelings about my husband. I am in limbo and it's because Im not yet strong enough to stick up for myself and say "enough is enough".
So dont mind if I sit in with you and wait for some advice. Id like to hear what others think.
I can say this though.....I really hope with all of my heart that you get whatever makes you happy inside and whatever is best for you. Stay strong.
Re:Denial or intuition? Dazed: Thank you, recently, for your kind words of support. I hope that same for you. And, I too, look forward to the wisdom of those on this board further along in this process than we are. I am only one month out, but it feel more like a few days. I am crying less, but it's only because I've learned to bottle it. It's just so hard to see his current relationship so clearly for what it is: a rebound. And the only reason he got into it in the first place was because of cold feet. Looking into his future with me and seeing enormous responsibility that probably scared him a little. And the OW had recently broken off her engagement due to cold feet, so I can see why they bonded. But, honestly, there were no problems in our relationships other than some VERY fixable communication issues (that I only became aware of AFTER he left). All of the other problems were external to our relationship. And she certainly isn't the answer for him. He doesn't see that now, but he will. I just don't know when. But I'm growing extremely impatient. It's like being able to see the future, but there's nothing I can do to speed up the process. Just day by day, I suppose.
I look forward to more feedback though!
Re:Denial or intuition? brokenman: I was in the same boat a while back. I was so certain. Then after a few weeks my certainty began to fade. Then I wasn't sure she was even going to cosider me ever again. By the time she eventually made the call I expected so long ago I didn't want to talk to her.
This came up a while back and I had some advice posted there. The problem is, that you don't know if they really mean what they say when the come crawling back. What you should do, to make their intentions clear, is take your time. Desperation makes you weak. It leads to poor decisions. Time is on your side. If he comes back and is not serious it won't take long to figure out.
Here is the link to that post I mentioned: Re: When does hope become destructive? .
Re:Denial or intuition? amess: I think BarelyBreathing is probably the best one to ask advice from on this. Read her posts. As regards to staying in the picture, if you want him back, the best way would be to use benign neglect. Be cordial, but not available, let him think you have a life, are busy, and are getting on with things just fine. Easier said than done, I know, but that will make you more attractive to him. He will continue to waffle if he knows you are sitting around, waiting. Keep your emotions in check, when dealing with him, let him know that whatever he has to do, fine, but that you are proceeding with your life and what you have to do. Don't give out much info about your life, be mysterious about that. If he says he loves you, say that's nice. I guess you get the drift.
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