Re:Denial or intuition? amess: Well, if there are practical matters to work out, then yes. Actually, it's up to what you feel comfortable with. You could just leave him with a cell #, or if you want to give him all the info, then lay some ground rules, put down some boundaries about calls/visits, etc. Make it on your terms. Maybe you don't want much contact at all if he is with OW. Maybe he could call in case of emegency or something practical, but not to discuss his confusion. If he wants to discuss his confusion, then he needs to be in counseling with you and away from OW. Make your own rules and tell him how far you are willing to go.
Re:Denial or intuition? Dazed: More great advice. I think I will give him the info on the premise that it is for emergencies only. He's never wanted to talk about his confusion with me. He just wants to chit chat. Like the old days, but with a giant elephant in the room with us. At the moment, he's completely blinded by lust (lust, NOT love) with this other woman, so although he still has feelings for me, his hormones are keeping him from seeing what he really wants and really needs from a partner. I wish I could find a way to suggest counseling (for him) that he would be receptive to, but he's in it too deep at the moment. I just know what rock bottom is coming, I just don't know when.
Re:Denial or intuition? amess: What really helped me the most, and is helping is asking myself, do I really want this man back? How could I trust him. Can I forgive enough, or will there always be too much anger. Also, I think I deserve someone different and better. I'm focusing on what I want and need in someone, not what they need in me.
Re:Denial or intuition? Dazed: That is an excellent question. One that I ask myself on a daily, hourly basis. So far, all I know is that I don't want him the way he was NOR the way he is. He would have to have all the wonderful qualities that I loved and admired before all this, but he will have had to learn so greatly and deeply from this that I would have to be totally confident (as would he) that we would never end up back here. It would take a lot of work, but I'm so sure about what we had, and love him, that I know that, at a minimum, it's worth a try. Besides, as so many people have pointed out, it wouldn't take long to determine whether reconciliation is truly possible. Whether or not I can ever trust him again, I believe anything's possible. Only time and effort can determine that with certainty. I just need to figure out what proof, what signs I'll need to make sure that I'm not getting myself back into a relationship with someone who can crumble so completely and quickly. I don't know what those signs are yet, but I'm working on it. There's time. I don't think he's coming back anytime soon.
Re:Denial or intuition? whathef?: Subliminal message to Amess:
uuuuuuuuuuneeeeeeeeeeeeedmeeeeeeeeeeee!
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