Somebody PLEASE help me! Sorrow: A while ago I was a new member here talking about my ex husband and how he didn't want me in his life and how he hated me now...well, suddenly, after he told me he never wanted to hear from me again, he E-mailed me wanting me back in his life.
After all the struggling I had to go through...fighting my parents and screaming at them to tell them how much I still loved this man, my parents proved to me that this man didn't love me the same way I loved him. What kind of a man wants his wife, then wants to be rid of her, then wants her back, then wants to be rid of her again, and after a divorce, wants her back?
Where is the love there right? So, that is what I told him, but nicely, since I still have my feelings for him...and he got so angry...furiously angry, calling me a false wife, a false love and false heart...saying that I'm better off marrying my parents than him anyways. I'm SOOO hurt! I can't believe what I'm going through...I thought it was over and we both were moving on with our lives, and suddenly he comes back, wanting me back...and when I tell him what he doesn't want to hear..that the marriage won't work...he gets angry and hates my guts for real this time....before he was just mad, now he truly hates me. I tried calling him to tell him, "Why do you think I don't care for you? I fought my parents for you! I did what I could against my family..." and all he said was,
"I said my final goodbyes to you...don't ever call me again..." and hung up the phone....I don't know what else to do...who else to turn too. I can't tell my parents of this incident, because they would only E-mail my ex husband and yell at him, but that would only make things worse...so I cannot tell them about it.
I'm so hurt....I thought I was getting over him, but now it's all back and worse than ever...I still love him, and he doesn't believe me at all....he thinks I'm a hypocrite...a liar...and that is very immature of him to act this way, when I didn't point any fingers at him, didn't blame him for anything...until after he got angry and named called me...then I said, "you're the one who seems like he doesn't love me..." I don't know if he will reply to my E-mail, but I'm scared to look at it...I'm so scared...
Sorrow
Re:Somebody PLEASE help me! SherylLynn: Sorrow,
If he loves you, really loves you, he will come to his senses. He is hurting because you rejected him and the fact is, he probably thought he could just waltz back into your life and you would let him. That is what I did. I filed for divorce and on the day of our mediation, he changed his mind and wanted to try. It isn't working of course, but that is my story, not yours.
Stay stong. Stay convicted to what you think is the right thing to do. Not what your parents think, not what your friends think, what you think.
If you change your mind and take him back, take things slowly. Make sure it is the right thing to do.
Stay strong and take care,
Sheryl
Re:Somebody PLEASE help me! JTS: It sounds like to me that he is doing this to show that he still has some sort of control over you and this is his way of manipulating you. You are kind of like his safety net because he knows that he can come back to you and get into your head. My ex was a very good manipulator that a lot of others saw but I was blind to. It took a number of therapy sessions before I could really see what was happening. It came down to as long as she knew she had an effect on me she pushed and went back and forth on marriage but once I was able to see what she was doing and stopped playing the part of the yo-yo being yanked up and down, her true colors shown through and I saw the person she really was. I realized that I deserved to be treated better than that and I wasn't going to be her puppet anymore. It was the 1 thing that she didn't want and wasn't prepared for. Giving up the control. It took me some deep reflection before I discovered what I really needed in my life to make me happy and it wasn't her. I am someone that had cut ties with my family and had quit going to church to appease her. In the end none of that mattered because she still has no clue what she wants or needs. Stay strong. You deserve better and better days will come. We will be here for you. :)
Re:Somebody PLEASE help me! Sorrow: Thank you both for your replies and help...
Jim, that is exactly how I feel with my ex...he was very controlling. I always had to do what he wanted or else, like he said, "it's my way or the highway..."
But why push me towards the highway, only to keep wanting me back? He's very confusing, and his way of manipulating me is harsh. Is this his way of showing love?
He knows I'm very nice...and nice people can be controlled. But like a normal human, there is a line I won't cross once I have crossed it before. I feel that going back to him would only end in another divorce. and I hate feeling that...I really do. It truly does make me feel like I have a false heart towards him. Why do I feel this way? Is he right? or am I right? God has the answers, I only wish he'd show me the right path to this.
Re:Somebody PLEASE help me! JTS: Sorrow, I can't answer why he does that. If I could I would probably be on a beach somewhere counting my money from my best selling self help book. I case you're wondering I not. ;D
My situation was slightly different because she always didn't have to have her way but she would agree with me then that was saved up as ammo to be used by her at a later date. There was a definite problem with her being able to tell me what she wanted or needed. The only conclusion I could come up for that is that she is confused and that is her problem now not mine. A big part of my problem was that through years of conditioning I had forgotten how to be happy myself and I began equating my happiness with her. After I discovered what I needed for myself to be truely happy the world opened up to me. It was one of those ah-ha moments that you wish you could bottle and hand out to others in need but it just kind of happened.
I don't think that what he is showing is love at all. In my case it was all about control. I thought I was going to go nuts trying to figure out why I was being treated that way and my opinion is that it is more of a form of emotional abuse than it is pure manipulation.
Don't get me started on the nice thing. I am tired of hearing what a nice guy I am but you are absolutely correct. Nice people are easy prey. I am getting the impression that that line has been crossed for you but you haven't had that ah-ha moment and are having touble seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I am not in your exact situation so I can't tell you what you should do but I can tell you it was great getting off the rollercoaster I was on.
It is funny that you ended with the phrase you did. An hour ago I was leaving mass asking to see that same path for myself. Hang in there, it does get easier and better.
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