Re:Somebody PLEASE help me! Sorrow: [quote author=Suddenly Single link=board=1;threadid=4100;start=0#msg32069 date=1094408987">
Hi Sorrow,
I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I'm pretty new here and I don't know your whole story but something to consider is that some men like to play that game...they want to hear that you still love them, want them, ponder for them or whatever. It is for their own benefit and It is a controlling game they play - if they cared - they wouldn't do it. They like to go back and forth.
Stay Strong.
[/quote">
Hi There and thank you Single,
I agree with you, it was a game...it IS a game to him. that emotional abuse is there, plain as day. He doesn't care what I feel, its what he wants...
going back and forth is his way of toying with me...it's like torture.
I'm feeling a little stronger now that I've talked it out with you all, thanks again, God Bless U
-Sorrow
Re:Somebody PLEASE help me! LettinGo: Hi Sorrow,
You have received some excellent advice and I don't have much to add, just wanted to give you (((hugs))). You are right though ... it is a game. I remember in the first month when I finally stopped crying and started to show some strength, my STBX asked me if I wanted to try and work things out. When I said yes, he apologized and said that he just couldn't. It's cruel ... but one day they will realize the joke is on HIM!
Hugs, Kelly
Re:Somebody PLEASE help me! Sorrow: Hi Kelly,
Thanks for the response, yeah...I did recieve some good advice.
Thanks for the hugs too :) I needed those.
My ex just wrote me back from one of my final E-mails. [sad how we only talk through E-mail now">
Well, he basically called me a coward since I sided with my parents and not him. Basically my parents convinced me not to go back to him, because of how things were before, and I agreed with them. But my ex, sees it as I have a weak heart, in fearing going back to him, when TRUE love overcomes fear...I should have gone back to him regardless.
Now this confuses me. I do feel that I am the coward, when I fought so much against my parents. But when my parents brought up some good points, that my ex basically just wanted to be rid of me his whole life I was with him, why should I go back to that? To a man who called me worthless and made me cry almost every single day?
My ex says he was going through a "bad time" in his life, and I shouldn't let those bad times get in the way of our "love".
I wrote him back in saying that he was right, I was a coward for listening to my parents instead of just walking out....but at the same time, I still agree with my parents.
What does this mean? Am I really a fake? Is my ex still playing a game? I wonder if he truly does love me? But if he does, why did he want a divorce, almost a month after our marriage [and we were married for three years"> .
Now I'm confused...that light at the end of the tunnel faded....
Re:Somebody PLEASE help me! JTS: Sorrow, I still think that he is trying to exercise some control with his actions but that is just me. I don't think that true love threatens or tries to force you to change.
I don't think that you are a coward at all. The easy path is the path that is known and your relationship with him has been your known path or comfort zone for a while now. It takes true courage to step out of your comfort zone and into the new and unknown. This is what you are now doing. Scary? Perhaps. Exciting and full of potential? Definately.
Bad time??? Why should you pay for his bad time in life? When will his bad time end? When will he decide what he really wants? Next week, next year, next decade? Life is too short to live in misery. You deserve better. Remember that.
I feel that I have been pushing you in a particular direction and I don't mean too. You need to decide what is ultimately best for you and take that path. I just see a lot of similarities between our situations and wouldn't wish anyone to go through what I did. I also got the we shouldn't have gotten married speach after a couple of years and I thought she was joking. We made it through 10 years but 2 weeks ago was the would have/ could have / should have been 11 year anniversary. Sucked but I survived.
Take a step back look at the situation and decide what you need and want...that light will return even brighter next time and each time there after it will become harder to hide.
Re:Somebody PLEASE help me! Suddenly Single: Sorrow, In your post you said:
Now this confuses me. I do feel that I am the coward, when I fought so much against my parents. But when my parents brought up some good points, that my ex basically just wanted to be rid of me his whole life I was with him, why should I go back to that?
You are NOT the coward - on the contrary you are being brave. The problem with being in the situation we are in - is that we are not able to think straight - it is foggy we may feel like we are ok but others around us - the ones that have our true best interests at heart- can see a lot more than us because they are not nose deep in the mess with their judgement being clouded. I thought these past couple months I was making good decisions and many were - but I have also made some mistakes. The big one getting involved with someone who was absolutly no good for me (pathological liar-violent-stalker type) and in the begininng I just didn't see it and others around me told me all sorts of stuff but I just couldn't see it until the situation got a little more serious. I'm lucky that I had not seen the violent part of him though! Thankfully - I'm a little more level headed now and the situation is calming down drastically and I feel good even from a couple days ago.
When we are vulnerable we get taken advantage of. They try to make us think that we are the one with the problem when in many cases it is vice versa!
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