Re:Somebody PLEASE help me! Sorrow: The only conclusion I could come up for that is that she is confused and that is her problem now not mine. A big part of my problem was that through years of conditioning I had forgotten how to be happy myself and I began equating my happiness with her
That is how I felt at the time too. My ex didn't seem to know what he wanted at the time of our marriage. I asked him once how he felt about me, and his reply was, "Indifferent."
When I was with him, I myself didn't know how to be happy anymore. I was on Anti-depressents and could think of nothing else to do but make my husband happy, so I could feel some happiness. That was my only ticket out of the depression...not being myself.
I don't think that what he is showing is love at all. In my case it was all about control. I thought I was going to go nuts trying to figure out why I was being treated that way and my opinion is that it is more of a form of emotional abuse than it is pure manipulation
Amen to that. How true. It does feel like emotional abuse. If my ex truly wanted me back, why did he throw me away in the first place, kick me out of his life, only to E-mail me and say, "okay, NOW you can come back to me." it should be the other way around. Shouldn't he be the one to prove his love to me after throwing me away? and not just once, but like four times...?
Where is the love? If I'm a hypocrite to him, then what does that make him, to throw me away and then want me back?
Don't get me started on the nice thing. I am tired of hearing what a nice guy I am but you are absolutely correct. Nice people are easy prey. I am getting the impression that that line has been crossed for you but you haven't had that ah-ha moment and are having touble seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I am not in your exact situation so I can't tell you what you should do but I can tell you it was great getting off the rollercoaster I was on
Yeah, being nice you are easy prey. No, that light for me has not shown to me...I haven't had my ah-ha moment yet. But I pray that I do soon. I'm going to go nuts being on this rollercoaster...the rollercoaster I thought I was off before but ended up getting right back on again.
It is funny that you ended with the phrase you did. An hour ago I was leaving mass asking to see that same path for myself. Hang in there, it does get easier and better
Thank you, that is something I need to do is just have more faith. I know God is watching over me, he is there to help me...I just hope I make the right decisions and do the right thing.
Re:Somebody PLEASE help me! Spectrum: Honestly, Sorrow, it doesn't matter *why* you feel the way you do. Of course you love him, but that doesn't mean you have to be married to him and allow him to turn you into an emotional wreck whenever he feels like it.
Convincing him you love him is exactly what he's trying to get you to do. He's trying to make you PROVE to him you still love him by taking him back, which sounds like a very bad idea to me.
I still love my ex, and on some level, melting into his arms would be completely fulfilling for me right now. But here's the catch- to do that I would need to resign myself to living with a pathological liar, manipulator and cheater, as well as his completely uncontrolled temper. I'm not willing to live that way, so despite loving him, I made the choice to divorce him.
He's still trying somewhat feebly to get me back, even though I've moved halfway across the country since the divorce earlier this summer. He called me at 2am the other day to tell me he misses me, he has my name on his military life insurance and is planning to take a voluntary deployment to the Persian Gulf. Does that mean I'm taking him back? No.
Hold tight and do what you think is right in the long-term for YOUR happiness. Who cares if he's calling you names and having a tantrum? That is HIS problem, NOT yours. You have no responsibility to make him understand your point of view- your job now is to take care of YOU, and make YOURSELF happy. ;)
Spectrum.
Re:Somebody PLEASE help me! JTS: Sorrow, I think it sounds like you are beginning to see that light at the end of the tunnel. I think that you are now one innocent comment from a friend/co-worker/complete stranger away from your ah-ha where the phrasing is just right and it clicks. I believe you are going to be just fine. If you do start feeling down, come on back and someone will be here to carry you through.
Spec, boy do I have a gal for your ex. It sounds like your ex and mine should get together because they are made for each other. ;)
Re:Somebody PLEASE help me! Suddenly Single: Hi Sorrow,
I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I'm pretty new here and I don't know your whole story but something to consider is that some men like to play that game...they want to hear that you still love them, want them, ponder for them or whatever. It is for their own benefit and It is a controlling game they play - if they cared - they wouldn't do it. They like to go back and forth.
Stay Strong.
Re:Somebody PLEASE help me! Sorrow: Jim and Spectrum,
Thank you sooooo very much. You both have helped me a great deal here, I really appreciate that.
Spectrum, you are right when you say those things. My ex is trying to get me to PROVE to him that I love him, when it's his way of getting me back. It's like a game.
How immature is he to do this to me and when he doesn't get what he wants, to insult me and throw a tantrum! I was nothing but polite in telling him my answer, and honest at that. But because he didn't get what he wanted, out came the little boy, not the man.
I do not need that kind of husband in my life... one who wants to just control me, manipulate me, and as Jim said, emotionally abuse me.
I'm working on my happiness...I almost found it until my ex contacted me again, after he never wanted to hear from me again. If I was beginning to find it before, I think I can find it again. Jim, you're right...that light at the end of the tunnel is there, I just have to run for it.
Thanks guys, you really have cheered me up and made me think more clearly...God Bless you and I hope the best for you all :)
-Sorrow
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