Bittersweet relationship with the ex.... Lady Phoenix: ahhh where to begin... ::) I wonder if after all the years I have been on ojar if I should refresh my story..then again that might take hours and bore all of you into your afternoon nap :P so I will try to refrain.
I've been married 3 times.. 3 times before I was 35..the first time at 20..he turned out to be gay..the second time at 27..and the third at 33. I think that the things I have put up with in this marriage now..the third one..are because I dont feel as if I tried hard enough with the 2nd. We both did horrible things to each other..and I know now that I could have did it all differently.. :-[ Then again I suppose so could he..
I was just talking to him.. after not speaking to him for awhile..we get along great..we laugh..talk about the past.. share a daughter..talk about my husband.. his g/f...who is very jealous of me and honest to God there is nothing going on there nor will there ever be again...Its just.. I think I wish that the love and respect we have for one another now.. I really wish we could have had that in our marriage.. if we could have seen somehow the way to make it work.. how things would have been different. But.. I guess time and change allows us all to grow..and with the time and space between us now and us both having moved on..we can at least be left more with the good memories than the bad. I would like to think that we have forgiven what happened..and I know that if he had the chance he would welcome me back into his life with open arms.. and I will always love him for that.
But.. time moves on and lives change and Im a different person now with a new husband and family..and..Im bound and determined now to make it work. My now husband knows that I have nothing but the utmost respect for my ex and he's okay with it...is a little leary sometimes of my ex's motives..but who wouldnt be?
ahh... once again I feel Im talking in circles.. I guess.. I just want everyone to know.. that there is hope that you wont hate your ex forever..that enough time and space between sometimes just allows a peaceful understanding...that you didnt drown in that water under the bridge..you made your way to the other side..and sometimes ending the marriage..brings much more peace than staying together probably ever could have. Yes, I wish it could have worked..but it didnt...and if it had , I wouldnt have my son. So all in all its bittersweet in so many ways... I found ojar when I hated my ex... and he was a despicable person.. and as I find myself moving more and more out of ojar...I now understand he's human and so am I...and we will always have a connection. Memories that no one else knows of.. a daughter that is amazing..and the knowledge that even if we couldnt make a marriage work.. we can make a beautiful friendship work.
Im not saying this is or even could happen for everyone..Im just saying almost 4 years out..that time does often heal...and there are so many beautiful things waiting out there for you...as the song says.. every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end.
Ahh.. Just my rambling for the day....
Pisces Goddess
WOW!! alloveragain78: Your story really inspireds me and I hope one day my exwife and I could have the same relationship. It's been over for couple months and at first I hate her for moving on and leaving. But I have learned to accepted what happen but I still hurtind and little angry at her. I know with time that anger will go away... I will always love her and wish that things would of work between us. But I believe GOD makes everything happen for a reason. I just HOPE oneday we could both talk like friends and old memories...Thank u for giving me hope..
Re: Bittersweet relationship with the ex.... 2be: That's fantastic, PG! I honestly don't harbor animosity toward my X anymore. I suppose we could be friends again if I made the effort to reconnect with her. She has expressed as much on a couple of occasions, but I've been distantly friendly. I know my g/f thinks I'm nuts for even harboring the idea of being friends with the X considering how I was treated. At this point I'm not leaning either way. But I digress...
I'm so happy that you've reached that point... :D
