When the reality of truly being alone kicks in qmambo: Well i know its over. its a fact - he aint coming back although we are still wading through legalities. he dumped on the other side of the world from family and mates and now I am becoming more stable normality is starting to return in my new life and the more that the supportive people around can see that the less they contact you. When this first happ a month ago today - work people and mutual mates were so supportive i didnt feel alone (ok i felt in shock and a wreck and insane) but i didnt havetime to feel alone as my phone was always going or text or msn's but now i am getting better people are contacting me less and less which is natural and good for me i am getting better but the fear that i am truly alone is kicking in :( its friday and i am at work and i am dreading this weekend i have asked absolutely everyone if they are around at the weekend and no one is, not a soul. there are weddings going on which i know my ex and our mutual friends will be at, my work mates have hen nights which i cannot crash, i have even resorted to asking the new guy on the floor what he is doing, i feel so crappy and whats ringing in my ears is my ex saying to me "you need go make a life of your own here"! Anyone feel like that?
Re: When the reality of truly being alone kicks in qmambo: Thanks, I do have a cat but she is with him as i tried to look after her for the past few weeks but all my priorites changed and it wasnt fair on her she is still a kitten but i was thinking of gettin gher back tomorrow. I have to go round the house to get some things and ihave started to get paranoid that he is seeing someone else and that i will evidence of it in the house or she will be there, he said there is no one else but im getting this instinctive gut feeling about you know, little things like oneof our mutual friends, well two actually, are not contacting me any longer, for the past few months he has been taking more pride in his appearance, buying new clothes, getting his hair done etc. having henna tatoos done. he is almost 40 - and on the other hand he knows i still have akey and says come over any time you like to see me i am always here - so am i just being paranoid?
Re: When the reality of truly being alone kicks in ChiefWiggum: Just for perspective,
Now two years after I found out about my wife cheating, I love the freedom of being alone. Sometimes it's a little tough on the weekends when I see people on the street holding hands.
CW
Re: When the reality of truly being alone kicks in qmambo: im not good at being alone i realised which is why i stayed with him unhappily until he finally ended it, and now i have to deal with the guilt of being a bad person cos instead of leaving him cos he didnt make me feel how i wanted him to i tried to change him and he hated me for it and now i am alone - what is wrong with me
Re: When the reality of truly being alone kicks in 2be: Being alone takes some practice, but I have no doubt you can pull through and gain some perspective on how great it really IS to have no one to depend on for your happiness than yourself. Your friends, while they are great to have around, shouldn't be taking you to bars to relieve you of this pain. Alcohol is a depressant and only makes things worse. Nothing is wrong with a pint of beer or a glass of wine, but drinking yourself into oblivion isn't the answer. Especially if you are on anti-depressant drugs.
I know you're far from your family and you've been betrayed horribly. You are at the beginning of a painful time but you CAN pull through it. You're not a horrible person by wanting to change him... you know how many people think that sort of thing about their partners? It is VERY common. You made a mistake by thinking that, but it is far from the end of the world. Now you know... lesson learned. Take that new knowledge and apply it to your life.
Take up a new hobby... photography even if it is from a cheap disposable camera. Get your kitten back... just start doing things that you always wanted to do but never did because you were to busy with "him."
Look for the smallest things that brighten your day. When I was in the dregs of my dispair, I went for long walks and just took comfort in the most miniscule things... the sound of the wind in the trees, the crunch of gravel under my shoes, etc. Sounds stupid, but it worked for me.
