Re: Question about cheating Magalucia: Trying, I also feel my husband was physically unfaithful but have never been able to prove it. He will never admit it either. When I was doing everything I could to make my marriage work I had to make the decision that I would believe him. However there were so many other things that were a problem that ultimately, infidelity was not the reason I asked him to leave. Even now, frankly, that is not what hurts most. What hurts most is how poorly he treated me. Perhaps, the infidelity part does not feel as horrible because my feelings for my husband have just been diluted so much by everything that happens that it does not matter anymore. I don't really need to know for sure.
Re: Question about cheating chaos40: it's easier to know.. that way you can finally accept and move on
Re: Question about cheating foolmeonce: its a double edge sword. i had a similar experience as you. i saw some emails that led me to believe that she was but she had an answer for everything. my confronting her led to our break up. at this point i was like you. i was questioning the way i handled it etc.. basically was eating me up. long story short while packing my things i came across actual proof that she was. then i had to deal w/ self esteem issues. my advice , your already getting thru the first part and finding out the real facts will only delay the healing processhang in there good days are ahead!
Re: Question about cheating tryingtosmile: I honestly think the proof is in your "gut feelings". They usually don't lie...
If you think that you can get an honest answer out of her and you feel that knowing "for sure" will help you to move forward, then I think you should ask her. But if she has continued to deny it, she probably always will unless you find some sort of definitive proof (which may be impossible at this point; so late in the game).
My husband just told me that he was "seeing" someone else. She just happens to be a former co-worker. He swears that they just started dating a few weeks ago (RIGHT after he left me), but I know better (those gut feelings!!). Anyway, I guess I could call him up and grill him about it, and I MIGHT get some true answers..or he may continue to deny as well. In the end, I have decided that it doesn't really matter. HE knows the truth and has to live with it and his guilt. Nothing will change that. I know that our marriage is over and that he is not coming back. Whether or not he actually admits to a physical affair is really of no importance now because it doesn't change his actions and it is not bringing him back.
I also think that in general, men and women handle the issue of affairs differently. I think it is harder for men to accept their partner having a physical affair, while it is harder for women to accept their partner having an emotional affair. So, maybe for you, knowing that she had an EA isn't enough to help you move forward and heal because it is the PA that is worse in your mind. In my case, I already know about the EA so the rest doesn't matter. The fact that my husband couldn't communicate with me and didn't turn to me for love/support but instead ran away from our marriage and straight into another relationship tells me all I need to know.
I am so sorry that you are struggling with this. It is bad enough to lose a spouse, but to lose them to someone else is even tougher. However, it is better that you know now so that you can move on with your life. Some spouses hide affairs for years, and their partner never guesses a thing. Try to think of it as her doing you a favor. She left you because she was focused on only herself, but now you have seen her true colors and can work on healing and one day finding someone who will love you unconditionally and be really able to commit. :)
Re: Question about cheating darkrose: [quote author=trying... link=topic=41067.msg458976#msg458976 date=1170988644">
So I am wondering - would it be easier if I knew 100% for sure that the deed was done - there is no denying the emotional relationship - there is a minuscule part of me that believes maybe nothing happened and makes me question my anger, her intentions, her explanation of our split, etc.
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It depends. You say she denied the PHYSICAL part of the relationship, so that would imply that there's another person in the picture and she had at least an emotional affair.
I will tell you from my own experience that it made the anger stage more fun.. because I actually had a legitimate reason to be angry over her. Honestly, the current school of thinking between friends and family is my stbxw was planning to have a fling then come back to me..except i managed to find out about the plans and filed for divorce before she could...do her thing, so to speak. A gross miscalculation on her part, surely.. but the thing is if I was none-the-wiser I would be working even harder than I was before to make the marriage work..and for what? For her to do it again?
..so in my case, knowing what happened just made it easier for me to make a decision. It didn't hurt any less, I don't think..but it did give me some closure and help me set my priorities.
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