Why do I end up feeling bad in this process? - New here. punkariel: New to the message board... I am 24 years old, and I met my stbx when I was 19. We instantly connected and both fell in love. He had a 2 year old son (my SS-7), and I accepted him with open arms. We got married two years later when I was 21. Things have been fine, although it seems we drifted apart. We had both talked about marriage and our ideas/values, and had the same outlook. I had seen divorces in my family, and even worked at family law firms, and I knew that I didn't want to go through that. I committed to him for life, and he the same. Or so I thought.
We had our two year anniversary this past fall, and things were fine. I had noticed that he had started to distance himself, and basically started to cut me off. There wasn't a huge part on his end to communicate, even about small things like work or SS' homework, so big things just weren't talked about. I had tried to talk to him, and over time his worry about hurting me and our relationship started to give little by little. I see this all in hindsight, but not so much at the time.
A month ago, we had a fight and he said he needed space to think some things out. He said he wasn't happy with anything in his life, and he needed to take some time. I said that's fine, and I gave him that. Over the next week, the "space" turned into physical space. To me, this was all a shock. He offered to go to his mom's apartment. We talked the day before Valentine's day and after a long conversation, he said that he just wanted to focus on SS and himself, and he shouldn't be in a marriage or any relationship.
I am trying to think of a way to explain it to my parents and I just don't understand. It still doesn't make sense why he would just want to give up. Everything we agreed on about marriage, about divorce being an option only in really bad circumstances (which never happened - no abuse, no dependencies, no cheating, nothing like that), just went by the wayside.
I am going to dearly miss SS, as I have played a huge parental role in his life since stbx and I met. His BM doesn't have any maternal instincts, so everything from daycare to doctor appointments, dentists, teacher conferences, were done by me and stbx. Although stbx tells me that this decision doesn't really have to do with me, and not to put the blame on myself, it's hard not to if I can't put my finger on the reason he is leaving except for "he isn't happy in the relationship."
He can tell me that I am not to blame for this, and whatever, but I didn't want the divorce. I committed for life. Now, not by my choice, I am going to be someone's ex-wife. Instead of having at least a vague idea of my future, I have no clue what's going to happen. Now if I do meet someone in the future, I feel like I will always have this mark on my forehead. I'm not even 25 yet, and I have a "starter" marriage under my belt. He says he feels like a failure and that he is letting everyone down (his family thinks he is making a huge mistake), but the fact is - I get the same feeling of failure, just for the idea of not being able to make it work. I don't feel like I got the proper chance to make it work.
*sigh* And why is it that I am totally fine around other people, or even alone, but I only cry when talking to him? Go figure.
