Re: I married my high-school sweetheart... ctrlaltdelete: Not that I condone cheating on any level, because I have lived what you are going through, however, you do have several things going for you in this scenario.
1. She didn't cheat on you after you were married.
2. She confessed to this, knowing that she could easily lose everything.
3. She is partnering with God on this and probably trusting that He will see you both through this, possibly trying to strengthen the relationship you already have in place by not keeping these secrets anymore.
Please take what I am about to say to heart, because I speak from experience (painful experience). You are completely justified in what you are feeling right now - betrayal, hurt, mistrust, disbelief, sadness, anger, etc.... However, the way you are going about resolving your trust issues and so-called "healing" is toxic. You are justifying your bad behavior as "healing" and let me tell you that this is NOT healing. This is addictive behavior, not therapeutic. You are trying to be in control of a situation that is out of control, which is understandable, but know that your snooping isn't working towards a solution, but rather adding to the problem.
Snooping only gets worse and puts you in a more paranoid and unpleasant state of mind. It doesn't just taper off, but eventually consumes your every thought and turns you into an awful person to be around. You end up hating who you are and she ends up hating who you are too. Listen to me - this behavior of yours WILL NOT END UNTIL YOU CHOOSE TO END IT...and I mean STOP IT - cold turkey.
This choice is simple. Do I choose to try to rebuild the trust and fix my marriage, or do I choose not to and just end the marriage?
Just my two cents here, but pleeeeease try to save your marriage. This is the "worse" part of the vows. There is nothing about giving up in the marriage vows. Marriage is hard, but divorce is a horrible, awful experience. Get God involved (she has, which is a good sign). From reading your story, I can actually say that things look pretty promising for your future. It just depends on what path you choose from here on out.
Well, I've talked enough. It's late so probably doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but I hope it gives you some hope and something to think about at least.
