Am I being selfish divine: My Story:
Well I left my wife about a week and a half ago, I'm in the military and now I'm living at my work. There are three kids involved, she has two from a previous marriage and we have a three year old together. I love my son like nothing else but I have grown cold towards her in the three and a half years of marriage. She is just so aggressive and pushy I can't take it anymore. My two stepkids are 11 and 9 and I have been in there lives since they were 5 and 3. I love them but they drive me crazy. They are completely spoiled and have a complete disrespect towards adults. I am strict and their mom is a railroad track. She lets them get away with things until she just explodes on them. It's hard because I know there is a different connection between my son and I.
I work 2 days on and 2 days off so I am gone and average of 3-4 days a week. I am also taking a full classload of college online, as well as coaching my older son's basketball team. She works 2 days a week but is home every weekend and night. I help with things around the house but yet she is always raising her expectations. I often come home to a house that looks like a tornado hit it. I just don't understand how she can be so ungrateful. I had to go to a school for two months on the east coast and while I was gone one of my daughters friends dad was at my house trying to get into my wife's pants. I don't think anything happened but she told me about the things he said and how they talked. He actually told her that they were going to *%$#! She told me all this while I was gone. She didn't tell this guy off until I blew up on her. She justified it by saying she was looking to feel wanted and appreicated. I know I am not as romantic or lovey dovey like I once was, but it's hard when you don't feel appreciated. Anyways we worked past that.
Her constant nagging and bit$%ing has really turned me into an icesicle towars her. The final straw came two saturday's ago after my son's basketball game. My son got his feelings hurt because I was coaching him on what he needed to do. I treat him just the same as the other players but he tries to pop an attitude when I tell him something. I don't put up with that. We were in the car and just like always she sides with him even though she knows that he and her daughter have a problem with authority. It shows in school and any sport they play. I really want to get out of this marriage, we are like oil and water and just fight all the time. I probably wouldn't be married to her but she got pregnant and I did what I thought was right. I don't regret marrying her because of the time and bond that I have with my son. She is begging for me to come back and say's she realizes she needs to change (like stopping drinking). I just don't know that I want it to work out. Am I being selfish for being happy while wer'e separated? I am not abandoning my son. She is a good mother but a hard to live with wife. We live paycheck to paycheck and now that our finances are seperate I can see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Re: Am I being selfish divine: Oh, I am 28 and my wife is 39 and yet I feel like a lot of the time I am the more mature one. She is the one that always wants to go out and party or talks about all this travel when we are always in the red on our account. She makes a hell of a lot more than I do when she works more than two days a week but she chooses to work only two days a week so that she can be home with the kids. I can't understand how she cannot see our finances in trouble. All she does is complain about me being at work when she knew I was in the military from the beginning of our relationship. It just has gotten so old. My mom came to visit and she basically ended up kicking her out of our house! My family has seen my family on maybe two or three times because of the distance yet her family is close by and sees us all the time. She said it wasn't fair because my mom had the chance to visit and only gave us a week notice. I didn't have enough time to get vacation time from work so I was only home two days during the week my mom was here. My mom's car broke down when she got here so it was already hard for my mom. Yet my wife was complaining because she felt that my mom should have been helping more around the house. My mom was on vacation with my 13 yr old sister! She was here to see her grandkids! My mom was understandably hurt as well was I. There is just so many things I could keep going on.
Re: Am I being selfish ace1234: First off, I don't think you're being selfish. My wife left me almost 7 months ago and I just finally came to the realization that 'I love her, and if someone else or just not me make her happy then that's what she's gotta do'. I don't have to like it, I'm just kinda happy for her. Sure I'm devestated and feel like I've lost quite a few years on my life but, what are you going to do? I tried the whole 'we'll work things out, why can't we just try?' thing to, but in the end, you're going to have to do what you need.
You may go back, but do you really think it's going to get any better?
My wife has developed terrible habits over 29 years, and do I really think she's going to change them? Doubtful.
As long as you're their for your son and her other kids, you need to do what makes you happy. Atleast you're upfront and honest about it.
Good luck.
l8r
Re: Am I being selfish Magalucia: Divine, have you guys been to see a marriage counselor? I think the problems in your marriage are all fixable if you both want to work on it.
Re: Am I being selfish darkrose: [quote author=alonein.t.o. link=topic=41533.msg466484#msg466484 date=1172007963"> My wife left me almost 7 months ago and I just finally came to the realization that 'I love her, and if someone else or just not me make her happy then that's what she's gotta do'.
[/quote">
That's a good thing to realize. It helps you let go.
[quote"> She is begging for me to come back and say's she realizes she needs to change (like stopping drinking). I just don't know that I want it to work out. Am I being selfish for being happy while wer'e separated?[/quote">
You owe it to your child to at least TRY to save the marriage. Seek counseling. Based on what you've said I don't see any kind of insurmountable issues.
And is it selfish you're happy? Are you sure you're really happy?
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