Re: Am I being selfish divine: As I read what I wrote I realize I need to be fair and paint a complete picture. When my wife and I first moved in together and began sharing finances before we were married, I had a problem with lying to her. I would lie about stupid things like buying a dvd or video game. I really didn't know why I did it but I know it hurt the trust factor. I was still young and dumb at the time. Well I have worked on that and gotten to a point where I have been completely honest with her. I just stopped spending money except for necessities. One last issue that was my fault was about two and a half years ago I was caught looking at internet porn after being unsatisfied with our sex life. Well we went to counseling and that has stopped. She has major insecurity issues and I know that I didn't help them. However I do not even go out and drink with my buddies or anything like that. If I am off work I am at home with my family. I told her that I was just trying to deal with the fact that she was hardly ever in the mood for sex and I was finding an outlet for my frustration rather than looking for another woman. Besides the internet porn issue I have never given her a reason to think that I wanted to be unfaithful. Yet I always feel like I am being investigated. I did get a myspace page and was completely upfront with her about it. I told her when i created it and explained I only was wanting to stay in touch with friends (guy friends at that) I even let her know my password so that she would know I wasn't trying to hide anything. She even set up her own page. Even If I am completely up front with her she still sneaks behind my back to check up on me. I don't have anything to hide so It really didn't bother me that much. It's just that I feel like she will never trust me fully. Her first husband cheated on her and I'm sure that had a lot to do with things.
Re: Am I being selfish darkrose: [quote author=divine link=topic=41533.msg466497#msg466497 date=1172008694"> She even set up her own page. Even If I am completely up front with her she still sneaks behind my back to check up on me. I don't have anything to hide so It really didn't bother me that much. It's just that I feel like she will never trust me fully. Her first husband cheated on her and I'm sure that had a lot to do with things.
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You just answered your own question. Do you see it?
Get counseling. For you both and for her.
Re: Am I being selfish divine: wishing,
I am happy! I have things in order and I able to focus on work and school without feeling guilty when I am doing homework and the house is a wreck. I am far from perfect but I know I am probably better than a lot of husbands and fathers out there. I just feel like she puts an impossible expectation on me. She expects me to want always go and do something every day that I am off. I like to be around the house and she can't stand it. I like to go do things just not every single weekend and day that I'm off. Not to mention we can't afford it. She says that all I say is we can't afford it. We have no money put away and that scares the hell out of me!
Re: Am I being selfish divine: She is seeing a counseler this week and I had called this morning to set up my appointment. We had tried marriage counseling but it never got us anywhere.
Re: Am I being selfish Magalucia: Divine, with all due respect, it sounds like you are looking for someone to tell you that you are right, that you have valid reasons to give up on your marriage. I am not sure you will find many here who will do that.
Two of us have already suggested counseling. Your marriage problems are probably fairly typical. Marriages do survive these type of issues. The easy thing to do is to give up. To say, I am not happy and I will be happier out of the marriage. However, regret is a horrible weight to carry and I think you at least owe it to yourself to exhaust all possible remedies.
Bear in mind, sometimes it takes a while to find the right counselor. If you really feel you have done everything there is to do, then I have no constructive suggestions for you.
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