Re: Mind games?? Lumpy: [quote author=MelanieW link=topic=41542.msg466570#msg466570 date=1172017311">
So ~ anyone have any words of wisdom for me??!!
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Make like Nancy Reagen. Just say no. No, you can't come to lunch with me, I'm not doing your laundry, Don't want your company on my walk, AND GET THE FARK OUTTA MY BED! This is divorce. It's not sposed to be fun.
Re: Mind games?? MelanieW: [quote author=Copperblade link=topic=41542.msg466588#msg466588 date=1172018419">
Well if you were another man, and this was a gay relationship, you may feel the same way about sex. But I don't really know what your story is... are you breaking up with him, or is he breaking up with you?
I don't see how he can tag along if you don't tell him where you're going or what you're doing ;)
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Ok first things first...the sex doesnt have crap to do with me being male or female. I guess since I am a female you assume I must be frigid or something. Think again!
I dont volunteer the information of what I am doing. He seems to have one eye on me at all times, asking me what I am up to. If leave the room, and don't mention what I am going to do, he wants to know what I am doing.
QMO ~ I am still stuck here. I have been a stay at home mom, and sinc ehe decided to take all the money and put it into his own account, I have had to start from the begginning. I have managed to save about $1000.00 in the last month, but I need more to be able to move into my own apartment.
As far as healing the hurt...I can 100% honestly tell you that I AM over him. I know for a fact that if he came to me right this second and said lets give it another go, I would end up laughing in his face. Once I was able to take stock of my life, and step back and see myself from another angel, I realized we haven't been close for about 2 years. I don't view him now like anything I used to. I have actually caught myself thinking "what on earth was I thinking when I fell for this guy??" I'm not saying I won't have bad days in the future. But I REALLY look forward to moving in my own place, and having my own space away from him. He mentioned one day wanting to move into the same apartment complex that I was looking at. So I started looking somewhere else, of which I have not given him any information.
Not having sex with him has more to do with the fact that I don't find him attractive anymore than it does anything else. I'm literally turned OFF by him now.
I am just wanting to know WTF he wants from me?? Like I said...Im wondering if he is just getting off on mind games, or if his thoughts have changed.
Re: Mind games?? Copperblade: [quote author=MelanieW link=topic=41542.msg466670#msg466670 date=1172028057">
Ok first things first...the sex doesnt have crap to do with me being male or female.
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Yes, it absolutely does. Men and women are the most different in the area of sex.
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I guess since I am a female you assume I must be frigid or something. Think again!
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Just because other guys have taken your different outlook on sex (possibly the guy you're dealing with now?) as frigidity, doesn't mean I do. You're not frigid because you don't want to have sex with him, you simply find it (at least somewhat) repulsive to have sex with someone that you're not going to have a future with.
On the other hand, he's thinking that if he's never going to see you again, he doesn't have that much more time to get some. I've seen this a few times in relationships: guys wanting to have sex a the "last minute" and it just doesn't work for the woman emotionally.
He definitely sees sex differently, why else would he think it's "ok" and you have a problem with it?
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I dont volunteer the information of what I am doing. He seems to have one eye on me at all times, asking me what I am up to. If leave the room, and don't mention what I am going to do, he wants to know what I am doing.
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I know you're not in this situation on purpose, and this isn't your fault. But if you really don't want him to know what you're doing or want him to follow you, you don't have to let him, right? But... do you want to? Do you think it gives a chance of staying together? Otherwise, my advice is to just flat out tell him that this is a difficult time and that you need to be an autonomous human being and have your own space.
If you're afraid that'll hurt any chances of being together, well, I guess that's your call. But honestly, you should be able to do this stuff anyway, regardless of whether or not you're getting a divorce.
After reading a little bit more of what you said, I think you're in a good position if you can really say that you wouldn't take him back. In that case, just put your foot down about it, like was suggested before.
I personally don't think he's intentionally playing mind games with you, but it could still play games with your mind.
Re: Mind games?? Lumpy: This sounds like something I went through with my ex. She was already seeing someone as well before I moved out. I called it the "I don't want you but I don't want anyone else to have you" syndrome. He's probably picking up on the fact that you're moving on and he doesn't like it. Sounds like a control thing.
Re: Mind games?? MelanieW: well I do know that control is a very big issue with him. He claims I have taken ALL of his control away since we have been married. He likes to throw that word around an aweful lot. He seems to think that my problems right now all center around the fact that I supposedly dont have control. I have to laugh at this. He is going to have to learn that part of accepting life, if accepting that there are a lot of things out there you have no control of what so ever.
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