Happy right where I am superwife: So I had this discovery yesterday, as I was responding to a MySpace bulletin (thanks Alphie!!).
The questions asked if I liked someone, does someone like me, and is it going anywhere? Then I realized, and answered honestly (as the bulletin's title tells you to), that it is exactly where I want it to be. "going anywhere" can be interpreted as many things. For some it means do you see the next step coming? But what is the next step? If you let society dictate your next step, it would have to be one of two things: a) moving in together, or b) marriage. And honestly, these are two things I am not ready for yet. Don't get me wrong, I am in love, and I don't think I will ever deny that after the fact (if there is an after the fact), and I do see him in my future for a long time. But I am practical and realistic. I saw two others in my future for a long time too (ended up being 6 years and almost 10 years), and now they're both gone.
And what's even better is, I'm pretty sure he is fine with the way things are too. After my little "wah wah, he doesn't spend enough time with me" outburst last week, it really made me think, what more do I want at this point? (BTW, the little outburst happened to coincide with a little hormonal imbalance). I don't know what the hell I was thinking. I really had no right to be thinking the way I was. I guess, part of me still misses him when I don't see him, and I think that was what was happening then. But that doesn't mean he is going anywhere.
So maybe there are two tiny little underlying past issues that are conflicting right now: fear (of repeating past mistakes, ie, getting married and divorced again!!!) and reassurance (that even when he is not with me, he still loves me and is thinking about me). And I'm pretty certain that #2 is true, b/c everytime I see his mom or his friends, they bring up something that he mentioned about me. So yeah, I must be on his mind. I'm not sure how they relate to each other, but all I know is I am happy with the way things are.
I'm not sure anyone else can understand how I feel right now, because so many of you/us are looking for the bottom line (marriage, house, kids). But that's not what's important. I've been there twice (well not the kids and the house the first time). And it didn't pan out. So I'm not making a bee-line to be there again.
Re: Happy right where I am Copperblade: I think I'm unhappy where I am. But I'm starting to realize that I might be just as unhappy anywhere else.
Re: Happy right where I am darkrose: I'm with you, K. I'm pretty content where I am now. I wouldn't say bursting with joy happiness or anything, but I think I'm happier now than I was a year ago (and still living under the same roof as the stbxw)..
I think I filled out that same survey thing from Alphie. lol
Re: Happy right where I am wallace65: [quote author=Copperblade link=topic=41578.msg467552#msg467552 date=1172095456">
I think I'm unhappy where I am. But I'm starting to realize that I might be just as unhappy anywhere else.
[/quote">
ditto
i couldn't put it anyother way any better, i've been struggling to figure out what i feel and how i feel and that's it i think
