Depressed and can't snap out of it emily18: Yesterday, I got divorced. I feel traumatized and so depressed. I still can't believe it happened, we went to court yesterday and am now officially divorced after thinking about it for years. I am really worried about myself. I have thoughts that I wish I could die, and even worse sometimes. I have been to a psychiatrist, taking antidepressants and they are not working. It's as though I am taking a Flinstone's multivitamin!! I can't take it anymore! I don't know what to do... I feel like my only relief would be to not exist any longer. Then finally all of my problems would be solved. I have tried everything, counseling, talking to friends. People are very harsh, insentive, and only make me feel even worse and slip deeper into depression.
I feel like it's a very unusual and complicated situation with my now ex-husband. He is my best friend but we are just friends, platonic. He is impotent and didn't tell me that he had this problem before we got married. He said he "didn't realize" he had the problem until it got really bad which was only 2 years or so after we got married. I was only 24 when we got married and he was 34. I stayed for a few years but it was a very difficult situation. He got surgery and it didnt' help the problem. He took Viagra and it didn't help most of the time, only occasionally. Then we separated. He was also asexual compared to most men from what my women friends tell me. For example, the night he proposed to me, he gave me a hug and went to sleep! I was only 24 yo (21 yo when I met him and had no previous boyfriends), he was only 33 yo at the time. The complicated part is that after I left him and we separated, my dermatologist put me on an acne medication called Accutane (my skin really isn't that bad, but the doctors want to make money I guess). It caused me to become extremely depressed. I haven't been the same since and the anitdepressants are not helping. I feel desperate. So after I separated from my husband, I slipped into a really severe deep depression that I haven't been able to get out of for a few years now. I feel lonely, have no family around, very few friends but no one reliable. I only have my now ex-husband. He is my best friend, but not as a boyfriend, as a friend. Also, I feel like I will be alone the rest of my life. I feel like my life can never change. I have felt this way for so long. Since I have been separated and now divorced, every guy I meet is either a player or says he is not interested in a relationship. How can I always have such bad luck? I don't understand??? I just want to go to sleep tonight and not wake up tomorrow!! I want all of my pain to end, it's more than I can take..... but I am young so the chances of that happening are slim, unfortuately I have to live another 45 years or more and I can't live another day :(
I have tried moving back in with my ex and we never managed to repair our broken physical relationship. The lawyer told us that we have a 4 month grace period to reverse the divorce. I'm too unhappy with him because he can't meet my needs, but too depressed alone. I don't know what to do.
Re: Depressed and can't snap out of it Copperblade: Are you still on Accutane? If so, all bets are off about feeling better... Accutane makes people miserable while they have to take it.
From what I can tell, you didn't want to be with him because he was impotent, but now you're depressed without him? Or he left you?
You are in for a dark period of time in your life. It WILL end, but you still have to go through it. (I try to tell myself the same thing.)
Re: Depressed and can't snap out of it jo: hi i had to leave my husband cause he was abusive sometimes u ca not do anything about it i wish he had changed and realised what he did but he will not i will always love him hes the father of my son but also i have anger that he would not try but i guess all i can do is move on to new and better things its been 2 years i have had a boyfriend since he was lovely but i was not ready. and then i met someone els but i knew stright away it was a nono its hard for me to move on but it will happen 1 day i hope sooner than later
so now i have didcded to start doing things for me going to the gym and spa getting pampered lol it kinda works i feel great
Re: Depressed and can't snap out of it *Tricia: I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. When there are sexual issues in a relationship it tends to do a trip on our self esteem without us even knowing it.
I'm glad that you are seeing a psychiatrist but if you are not feeling any improvements it is TIME TO SeE A KNEW ONE. I went through 5 therapists before i found the right match for myself. I need an agressive therapist who could see through my bull shit.
Your medication may need to be altered as far as dosage or even the specific kind.
As far as meeting new men, you will not meet any man right now that will be what you want/deserve because right now you are still working on yourself. You will just meet the type of men that need things that you are not able to give or just plain dont match up.
make the first step of moving forward by calling your primary care dr. TODAY and letting them know tha tyou need a new referal for a new psychiatrist. Explain to your Dr. exactly what is going on and that you need a LIST of therapists. Talk therapy has to go along with depression medicine. The medication itself will only put a bandaid on the issues.
There is a bright SUN LIGHT at the end of the tunnel girl and you will get there! :)
Re: Depressed and can't snap out of it ace1234: Hi Emily,
Tricia is right. I initially thought about killing myself, but my brother's kids would always enter my mind and I couldn't do that to them. I WANT to see them grow up! You need to keep searching for the right therapist.
When I started going to mine, initially I thought it was all a big waste of time and money, but now I see that it actually is helping me to talk to someone impartial. It's great to just talk for an hour with little interruption and know you are not being judged. They are there to help you and not to judge you.
It is important that you tell them exactly how you are feeling and that you are feeling suicidal. That is very important!! My stbxw is all smiles when she goes anywhere and she is very depressed. How can that person help you if they don't know how you are truly feeling? That has always been one of my biggest complaints with my wife.
Anyway, hope you are feeling better. It will start to get better. Really.
take care.
l8r
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