Re: At the Brink Yet Again... dsuser: Thanks Topaz, that is really what I am trying to figure out... if this is a lost cause, if I should really have no hope. In all honesty I want to feel hope, I want to believe it might just work.
It is so confusing. Because even though she does not seem to be able to commit and verbalize it, she says so many things physically. She hugs me during the day, tells me she loves me, holds my hand, asks to sleep in my arms every night... even when she actually went to look at an apartment later told me that shen she walked out she was 'so out of it and confused' by thinking 'how could she possibly not see me every night, sleep together, have dinner without me'. But at the same time she continues to look at the idea of moving, etc.
She tells me she is very hopeful, people looking at my situation and need for some strength tell me to be hopeful, that all is not lost and there is a chance. And I guess it is not that terrible what she asks, for a little space, just to 'officially live in different apartments as we did before' so that the existance of a physical compromise defined by an apartment lease does not contaminate/bias decisions. I really want to be hopeful, to think there is a chance -- I guess there is the ocassional but infrequent story of people whoh separate and then get back together ever more strongly -- but am finding it hard.
We did move in a little early, just after a few months of knowinig each other and in the intensity of the situation. An apartment came up as we toyed with the idea, it was convenient as we were seeing each other every day anyway and spending so much time together... but perhaps it was too early and we ought to bring ourselves back at a more healthy standpoint?
All the same, even though I try to justify and make it better in my mind -- inside, it hurts.
