Re: At the Brink Yet Again... pluscachange: Consider that she works on emotions and not reason. You cannot "make" her feel, she just has to for a large variety of psychological reasons. She either does or she doesn't feel for you is what I'm saying (feel as in head over heels love type feel, not just saying words). If she doesn't know now, that probably means she doesn't (no offense, I'm saying this strictly in a clinical manner not a personal one). One of a few reasons I think (just guessing of course):
1) She has expectations of what love should feel like, such that she can then proceed to be in love and act out the vast theatre play of love she already has in her head. Simply put, you're not the lead cast actor she vaguely envisioned and she's not sure how you would work out in the world she already sees in her mind. She's looking to go through all the motions, feelings, ups and downs she's already rehersed in her imagination a million times to this day, and for some reason she never saw you, precisely, in that role. Hence she's "unsure" about the relationship.
2) You are not as easy to control as she'd wish. I'm not saying that in a negative-towards-her manner. Rather, I'm simply recognizing how men and women approach relationships, and if she's unable to control or display that she controls you to others, it may throw her game off and cause uncertainty. And by control I don't mean outright, but subtle, and not necessarily horrible. A man who goes to the ends of the earth for a true love's kiss is ultimately completely under her control, and yet, this is itself not a bad thing, but one highly desired by both parties. This could be the root core to her "not feeling she may be able to give you what you need", if you see what I'm saying? It's not that you don't feel this strongly, but she feels that a man with your higher level of independence may well leave her in the future for somebody that will leave you powerless and paening as Apollo before Daphne.
3) She thinks there are better catches out there and is afraid to "settle". Again, not being harsh, sorry it reads like that. Maybe her uncertainty stems from thinking "there are more and bigger fish in the sea" and she's not terribly certain she can't catch a larger fish.
I'm trying to approach this logically. These reasons are usually what I see as the base reasons why women really "aren't sure" in relationships, from observation. She may well mean something entirely different, but what I'd suggest you do is not approach it based only on what she says, as words often incompletely communicate feelings and attitudes.
Re: At the Brink Yet Again... dsuser: I think it is quite the oposite of #2... I do so much and feel so strongly and in love that she knows I am quite hers. As for #1, the irony is that she never knew 'what she is supposed to feel' and hence is very confused. I trust her in what she says... it just hurts non-the-less. She sees how I express my feelings and love and how much I am indeed head of heals, yet she is independent and maybe had issues in her life, so she does not know 'what she is supposed to feel in order to know for sure'. I think we all take leaps of faith... and I think she is unable. Thing is, I am caught in the middle! I want her so... and I am willing to give her some time, but I am all to aware that this might end up badly, and my ego can only take so much I dare guess! :-\
Re: At the Brink Yet Again... pluscachange: [quote author=ds link=topic=42012.msg476306#msg476306 date=1173112711">
I think it is quite the oposite of #2... I do so much and feel so strongly and in love that she knows I am quite hers. [/quote">
She is looking at it not from your perspective, but hers. Take yourself out of your own mind and try to glimpse it from her perspective. You may think she knows it, but if she's saying "I may not be able to give you all that you need/deserve" that means she doesn't really know it (in my opinion). If she knew 100% that you were hers, she wouldn't worry about somebody else being able to provide for you better, as you'd get all that you need from her (in all aspects of life). If she has that doubt, then it points (to me anyway) to her saying she knows, but harboring real doubts she won't speak. Just my opinion of course.
[quote"> As for #1, the irony is that she never knew 'what she is supposed to feel' and hence is very confused. [/quote">
I have never, ever, ever ever ever known a single female that didn't have a large elaborate and well rehersed fantasy of love somewhere (if not even many of them). If she never knew, she would be one of the few females who partook of no formative dialogue during adolescence and entertained no notions of "what I want to make my world complete".
[quote"> I trust her in what she says... it just hurts non-the-less. She sees how I express my feelings and love and how much I am indeed head of heals, yet she is independent and maybe had issues in her life, so she does not know 'what she is supposed to feel in order to know for sure'. [/quote">
Do you do whatever she wants and try at all times to please her?
[quote"> I think we all take leaps of faith... and I think she is unable. Thing is, I am caught in the middle! I want her so... and I am willing to give her some time, but I am all to aware that this might end up badly, and my ego can only take so much I dare guess! :-\[/quote">
Whatever you do, please do not invest yourself 100% into this to the point of losing yourself, which it appears honestly to be where you're heading.
Re: At the Brink Yet Again... dsuser: It is a catch 22... I am 100% invested I will not deny it. But at the same time I cannot help but pull away, think about what I'll do if we break up (e.g. date again, etc), I definitely try to envision my life because that way it might hurt less and be less traumatic. But I do hate the idea of having to go through the motions of so much pain again...
PS. She is a weird fish. Very independent, and very honest about her feelings ... just that she does not trully feel in touch with them. She never was one to fantasize much about marriage, but then again, I am with you in thinking that she must have... and about all the illusions about what love means. I think she definitely wants to be head over heals, feel like I am the best in the world for her... (like I am for her) and though she has never experienced that before and fears that she is expecting something that does not exist, she is fearful that she is not feeling it to quite that intensity and hence her/our situation.
Re: At the Brink Yet Again... gdgross: [quote author=ds link=topic=42012.msg476318#msg476318 date=1173114288">
PS. She is a weird fish. Very independent, and very honest about her feelings ... just that she does not trully feel in touch with them. She never was one to fantasize much about marriage, but then again, I am with you in thinking that she must have... and about all the illusions about what love means. I think she definitely wants to be head over heals, feel like I am the best in the world for her... (like I am for her) and though she has never experienced that before and fears that she is expecting something that does not exist, she is fearful that she is not feeling it to quite that intensity and hence her/our situation.
[/quote">
Dude... Are you dating my ex?
This sounds exactly like her.
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