I was doing ok, now what? elf624: So many of my family and friends told me that going to see a counselor may help me with my healing. Well, I went yesterday and now I feel awful again. First off, I didn't like the counselor at all. Plus, I had to bring up all the hurt and lies from the past 4 months. Those are memories I would just like to forget. I was told I have "unresolved issues." Duh! Now all the confusion is back. I don't want to go back to counseling. It makes me feel worse. Is this the normal process? Will it get better? I felt like I was starting to heal on my own, but now I find myself thinking about him all the time. So, I decided to write my stbxh a letter. I didn't tell him I was hurt or confused. I didn't ask him to come home or work on our problems. I just wrote what I was thinking. It made me feel a little better. Should I give it to him, or just throw it out? We never really had closure, so I feel like he needs to know what I am thinking.
I know it's just a matter of time before I hear from him again anyway. He's been staying at his mom's house. Hopefully my letter will help him to leave me alone.
I just don't know what to do. I'm trying to get back the hope I had the past 2 weeks, but I feel like I've opened an old wound and it just stings. :(
Re: I was doing ok, now what? td7629: My first counselor was absolutely horrible too. I could not wait to get out of his office. I think he was the one that needed a counselor he was so weird. I started calling around and talking to individual counselors until I found someone that I thought I would feel comfortable discussing my issues with. She has helped me out alot! This may be what you want to do. Also, It does help to write things out to your ex but I do not recommend sending it to him. There needs to be no contact in order for you to start to heal.
Re: I was doing ok, now what? Percy123: Don't discount what you are feeling. I hate to tell you but it is good that you feel worse. You were repressing the grief and the conseling did open the wound. This is verey therapuetic and necessary. Don't fight it. The good feelngs you had prior to conseling were your mind pshing it down for survival and self preservation. Only works till you get clear of the "threat."
Re think not gong to conseling. It is important to be open and let it happen. If you don't like this one find another. When you find one you like and that you click with, it will be great. Part of the process is going through and processing the pain. Feeling good is the end result not the immediate goal..Keep that in mind. You want the short form of how to heal? Don't try it alone. Your unresolved issues will remain unresolved if you do not explore them and conseling is a great place to do it. They will give you insight and expalin why you feel as you do.
They will also call BS on you and make you take ownership or whatever your part was. Again, necessary to heal properly. You won't be able to be whole for the next relationship unless you go through all this crap..Trust me, I am the poster child for this.
Don't send that letter, whatever you do. Who cares if he needs to know anything. Today is about you and what you need. Yesterday was about him, and We and us. If you think you need some closure, take some time, stay away, get on your feet than when you are ready, go get some. Now there are tons of crazy emotions around and you may regret your actions when your head is straight. Trust me on this one too.
Re: I was doing ok, now what? elf624: I really can't do this again. I don't want to feel bad. I want to move on. I am a wreck. I don't understand how he can do this to me without even calling or anything. I've had time to process my feelings. Yes, I obviously still love him. I wish things were different, but I know they will never be the same again. I've accepted that. I am sitting at my desk crying over someone I don't even want back in my life. I thought things would get easier after 4 months, but I feel like I'm almost right back to where I started. Just a few days ago, I was feeling happy again. Now, I just want to go home and hide.
Re: I was doing ok, now what? Percy123: No ne wants to feel this bad...We all want to move on and that is exactly what you are doing now...This is the process of moving on.....
You gotta know that you can't just say he was bad, a jerk, what he did was wrong and put it behind you. Doesn't work that way. My ex wife was one step below the devil, but I love her and niss her...It is not about making sense. It is about going through the process of relieving grief.
YThey say it runs in cycles and you are experiencing one now. Me too. Ride it out. They will get less and less. Depending on the length and cicunstances or your attachment and how you heal, you could go through this for w awile. Learn coping mechanisms and learn about the process of grieving and detachment. Look it up on Google and read. You will see what you feel fits into normal processes and you are not alone or weird.
Detachment is a painful process. It hurts. You never saw yourself here and you didn't deserve this but here you are. Life sucks and we are all in it with you.
Keep learning about yourself and realize crying and feeling bad is normal and human. Just like you.
