Re: Not who I once was... JimB: I hear ya - I had these same issues for a long time, only it was with my father. In my case, I reached a point where I started getting mad about my reactions - mad at him, not myself. That was the point when I needed to initiate no contact with him for a while. Things are much better now, but it took a long time.
I can tell you for a fact that there's more to you than the cumulative perceptions of one (somewhat unbalanced) person. You probably know that. Turning his negative energy back at him may not feel like the right thing to do, but it might be a step in the process of overcoming all this stuff.
Sorry for the unsolicited psychoanalysis. I'd offer you a hug, but from what I hear, you'd need a ladder. ;)
Re: Not who I once was... Lumpy: [quote author=JimB link=topic=42069.msg477334#msg477334 date=1173290002">
I'd offer you a hug, but from what I hear, you'd need a ladder. ;)
[/quote">
(((((Knee Hugs))))) ;)
Re: Not who I once was... yella: [quote author=JimB link=topic=42069.msg477334#msg477334 date=1173290002">
Turning his negative energy back at him may not feel like the right thing to do, but it might be a step in the process of overcoming all this stuff.
Sorry for the unsolicited psychoanalysis. I'd offer you a hug, but from what I hear, you'd need a ladder. ;)
[/quote">
Stupid question, but how would I do this?
Lumpy, you're funny. :P Maybe one of these days, I'll have a late growth spurt and be taller than all of you! ;)
Re: Not who I once was... Topaz: Smiley, it might help to remember in difficult moments like these with the ex that he very well may be projecting his feelings of guilt, inadequacy, anger on to you.
My ex does this constantly, still. It's become clear to me that my ex tries to project on to me so that he can avoid with his feelings about/responsibility for the situation. When he starts dumping on me, I say to myself, "He's feeling bad right now. I'm not part of that, and I'm not going to become part of that."
Re: Not who I once was... yella: [quote author=Trixie (aka Topaz) link=topic=42069.msg477781#msg477781 date=1173366716">
Smiley, it might help to remember in difficult moments like these with the ex that he very well may be projecting his feelings of guilt, inadequacy, anger on to you.
[/quote">
This may be true. I remember while we were married, he remembered how much smarter his brother is than he is, and that would get him down pretty hard. I'd do all I could to pick him back up with no "thank you" ever given. He'd degrade anyone smarter than he is. To the point where I'd tell him how cold hearted he was being. Of course, it wasn't him, it was them. ::) Always someone else...
He hated it when I got praise for something, almost like he was insanely jealous. So, maybe he is taking his inadequecy out on me.
Thanks, Trixie.
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