I thought I knew the worst...I was so wrong :( tryingtosmile: Today was awful. I was having a good day and then I came home and checked my email. I had a forward from my sister-in-law (she is married to my husband's brother). It was just some random forward about friendship. But when I glanced up at the "to" list, I noticed a new name and a new email address. It just happened to be the name of the OW, (and the job email of the OW's work)..the same OW that my husband told me he casually started "dating" after he left me.
I don't know what possessed me to do this, but having the email address actually gave me her last name, info that I didn't know previously. So I googled her. The first thing I found was her divorce record, which apparently just went through yesterday. So at least NOW she is divorced. Then I noticed that her husband's name was the exact same as my husband (not too common a name as it is!). Strange coincidence.
Then I found something that really shocked me. I found 9 hits on my laptop for her name and realized that they all came from my husband's email. He only used this laptop for a few short days..when we were at a conference together in D.C. right before I left for Europe. Turns out, I could read those emails because they are still stored on my computer.
He was having an AFFAIR with her. :'( I am furious and so sad. He lied to me point blank time and time again. All those times I asked him if there was someone else, and he emphatically said "no"..he swore there wasn't. Ah, but there was. And I now have the proof. The emails made me sick. She was writing him about telling her husband and about how the two of them (my husband and herself) would fight her husband for her house so they could live there together. She talked about him leaving me and how/if he would do it?
The worst was his email to her though. Two days before I flew over here, he was writing her and telling her that she "dominated his thoughts" and that he wanted to see her that Sat. night. I flew out on Sat. afternoon. He drove right back home to her. That same night. I can distinctly remember the conversation I had with him right after I got here. He told me that it was "tiring drive home and that he had come home late". But now I know he never went home at all. He was with her.
I am horrified at his betrayal. I read things I never wanted to know. :( Now I wonder, how long was this going on? How long was I a fool? I had NO idea he was having an affair..not even an inkling. It was all planned out for him to leave me before he even came over here. And he lied the entire time.
I'm sure that he is thinking he got away with it too and that I really believe that he just "found" a girlfriend suddenly. Well, his game is up. These emails that I have date back to August and it is clear that at that point they were already pretty serious. All this time I was thinking that he really did leave to figure out his life. Looks like he "figured it out", just not in the way that told me.
So, I don't know what to do now. When/how do I confront him with this? I can only call him, as I am not returning home until late this summer. I was originally thinking that I would be nice and have a simplified divorce but I have now changed my mind. Who knows what else I could find if I had my original computer..but he has been "borrowing" that. (He took it from our place without asking me a couple of months ago). I guess I know enough though. I know that I was betrayed in the most awful way- abandoned here so abruptly and without explanation. I have the explanation I was so desparately seeking now. I have all the pieces to the puzzle. But you know, I really wish I didn't. This hurts so much worse than him simply leaving me. I feel horrible. :'(
Thanks for letting me vent...I could really use some advice and support right now. I am dealing with this all alone over here.
Re: I thought I knew the worst...I was so wrong :( missu: Oh God....I'm so sorry...
*hug*
Re: I thought I knew the worst...I was so wrong :( pluscachange: Wow.
It's horrible that you had to discover this (not that you discovered it, but that it was there to discover in the first place, his lying). It's painful now, but do try and not give into a vengeance mindset. Ultimately you'll get the same settlement, more or less, and the only thing you'll feed by making it long, drawn out and full of vendettas, is the pockets of lawyers.
Re: I thought I knew the worst...I was so wrong :( vdc_1975: I'm sorry to hear about this. But is confronting really going to accomplish anything? Will it make it worse? These are questions youwill have to answer yourself.
Good Luck
Re: I thought I knew the worst...I was so wrong :( licy: :(
Thats so bad, what a spinless rat!!! my ex did the same to me swore there was no one else when infact there was and hes with her now. i wasnt married to him tho thank god. i feel for you hunni
What goes around comes around, they will never be able to trust eachother as they both cheated to be together, just keep that in mind one day karma will get them both back
Lucy xxx
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