Re: The Ability of God hudson: Frostbite, i'm sorry you're having to go through something so painful.
People fall out of love all the time. Married people become distracted, sidetracked, preoccupied, neglectful, you name it. And a lot of times, these preoccupations lead to disinterest in the marriage and eventually falling out of love with the other spouse, which isn't that uncommon in marriage.
The problem today is, we have generations of people that are raised with little character, they are not taught about commitment, they are not taught about sacrifice, selflessness and love. What they are taught is that their lives are all about THEM.
That's why I tend to look at marriage as a highly unrealistic institution in our present society. It takes solid men and women with intergrity, character and strength to make marriage work. Unfortunately those kind of people are rare these days. Today we have generations of "it's all about me" people.
My exwife walked away because she got tired of all the work that goes into a marriage. Forget about her husband, her vows, and her responsiblity to love me through thick and thin. She was tired of the work, she wanted to do something else....so she did.
It does take two to make a marriage and two to break a marriage, imo. But it takes time to see where both spouse's choices effected the outcome. My mistake was marrying my exwife in the first place. There were so many red flags, it was almost like God was hitting me on the head saying "don't do it dummy". But I was in love and wanted what I wanted.
Of course, God is perfectly capable of changing your husbands mentality, but He doesn't work that way. God allows us to make mistakes because that teaches the reprocussions of our decisions. God gave us free will and He does not interfere with that. So we live and learn.
take care
Re: The Ability of God wizer_now: [quote author=frostbite link=topic=42098.msg477757#msg477757 date=1173364988"> I just need to vent this morning a bit because I can't get over the fact that my spouse feels NOTHING for me.
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I can't speak for God, that's for sure, but what I can tell you is that even if there is a God he probably doesn't work that way.
Besides, that's not really what you're asking here. What you want to know is why your husband doesn't feel anything for you and how long it's going to take to get some closure.
Well, as someone going through the heart of it right now, and from what I have read extensively...the time varies greatly among individuals in terms of healing. But you should be in considerably better shape within a year from when you separated, if you are looking for a ballpark estimate.
As far as your husband "not caring", I doubt that's true, even if he seems to show no remorse, unless the guy is truly a sociopath. It's literally impossible to shut off feelings for a person with whom you have shared a bond, even if there is a SO in the picture. He hides it well. It doesn't mean he doesn't feel it now, or won't feel it more later.
My stbx probably thinks I don't care either. I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of knowing that I do...but the feelings are there. Trust me on that one.
Re: The Ability of God frostbite: The following is the gist of my thoughts/prayer over the past months:
Father God in Heaven,
I don't know what YOU want me to do. I realize that things have taken place in my marriage that you neither you nor I approve of. I realize too though that you are a strong advocate of forgiveness...over and over. You are the author of marriage. I realize that you give us free choice, but I want to make the choice that pleases YOU....because if I do, then you will make everything work out to the best. I love my wife and want us to be together, but only you and she know why she does not feel the same. If I stay and be the father that I've been for my kids and continue to uphold my end of the vows, then I am serving a purpose, but if I leave to find a "better" wife/marriage and get away from THIS aspect of the heartache and betrayal, then I feel like I'm serving mySELF. Simply put Lord, I don't know what to do. I don't want to dissapoint you. I don't know what you have in store for my wife and me. For this reason, I don't wanna do anything that will get in the way of what you plan on doing or would like to see happen. DO you plan on "fixing" our marriage? I don't wanna make any mistakes here Lord. Yes, I am tired of being treated this way. Yes, I am tired of waiting for her to stop what she's doing. Yes, I am and have been willing to forgive....but what do I do when she does not seem to care to have my forgiveness. I am scared of what it would do to our children. To add, I am afraid of the hurt that I will experience too. I have been asking for direction ...NO....a super duper clear cut answer Father. It seems to me...and please forgive me...that I am not hearing from YOU in a clear voice. Father God, I don't wanna hurt anymore. I don't want my children to hurt. Tell me what you would have of me to do.
