What is it about coming back? Zipsfb: This is ridiculous! We end it after 2 years, she cheats and we break up. Then don't talk for 2 months, then she gets me to break up with someone for her because she asked me back. That doesn't work, we have a VERY unhealthy relationship for 2 months (mostly because she couldn't decide whether or not we should date) then stop talking again. 4 months later she breaks no contact and we get back together and have an AMAZING relationship from May until October she starts losing interest again but we keep trying to date until early january. Then its back to no contact. I start dating someone and this morning she breaks no contact again! She tells me she couldn't help but to e-mail me and wanted to see how I am.
So why do people do this? Why does she want to be with me when I'm gone but can't handle committing? All I have ever wanted was to be with her and she never could take it. F***king crazy... and to think I'm actually considering it after all of that! ugh... I'm an idiot. Why can't my heart and brain get along?
Re: What is it about coming back? soreheart: I am told that your head and your heart will get together at some point, and you will then be able to make this decision yourself. Trust that it will happen.
Short-term, if you are being honest, you know what is happening here.
She has had many attempts to make your relationship work and hasn't been able to. She has chosen not to make it work. At some point you need to take some control back. You are letting her back into your life when she wants. At some point you need to take charge and be a decision maker.
Lets say you don't take her back this time. If you are really meant to be together, she will not be detterred. You will have taken control this time. I know it is difficult to imagine, but you will gain a lot of self confidence if you take charge of this situation and make her really prove why she deserves to be in your life. If you do get back together in the end, at least you will know it is because she really wants to and not because it is easy to get back into your life.
Re: What is it about coming back? JNA: Zip wrote: "So why do people do this? Why does she want to be with me when I'm gone but can't handle committing? All I have ever wanted was to be with her and she never could take it. F***king crazy... and to think I'm actually considering it after all of that! ugh... I'm an idiot. Why can't my heart and brain get along?"
I had this same thing happen to me my friend...
They do it for a myriad of reasons
You are "not" an idiot and the reason your heart and brain do not get along is because she is "playing" with it over and over again...
It's called Intermittent Reinforcement and will drive you crazy
The last person I met like this Totally screwed me over in the end
Your sweetie is "so" insecure she has to hold on to the one person that is her Security Blanket...
That would be you
It could be an EGO Boost as some women/men need that to fall back on...
But the only thing you need to know is this
Drop her like a Bad Habit and never look back...
If you continue on this path with her then you will be the one that gets burned, hurt and will have damage done to you that is not easy to get over
Believe me I Know
She is "poison" and is poisoning you...
You don't drink poison...You don't touch it
You get the hell away from it...
She will ruin "everything" that is "you" right down to your friends that you have known for X amount of years
Someone gave me a statistic one time that said Women out number men 2 to 1...
Find another
She will not change...Surely you cannot make her change
The only one you have control over is yourself...
Find someone that will return your love in full and kind...
Then let her play her "games" with another
Stay Strong
JNA
Re: What is it about coming back? wizer_now: There's a few ways to deal with the situation.
As suggested, you can take the position that this woman is insecure, unstable, and is unable to commit to you, and there will always be this cat and mouse game, whereby you pull back, and she pursues you after a certain amount of time; and that if you want to try to save the relationship, then go "no contact" for a much longer time and perhaps try counseling to resolve the issues.
More likely is the fact that this woman is never going to change, she will always drift from one relationship to another, looking for something that she will never find because she is the one who lacks it...and you are simply her "base of operations" as she continues her lifelong struggle. The answer to that one of course, is to break away and live your own life. You sound to be in a much better position in terms of mental stability and in the long run you will probably be in better shape if you just drop her and the baggage and get away for good.
It will hurt more in the short term, but in the long run, you will probably be happier.
Re: What is it about coming back? flipflopnomore: This was a good thread for me to read tonight. I am desperately trying to purge this maniac from my life and was feeling a bit weak earlier. I do no contact, but yet i still get contact from him via ILY, I miss you texts. I generally ignore, but I have responded at times.Then if I cave just a bit and respond or make the big mistake in spending time with him or sleeping with him, he comes up with the excuses of why we won't work out.
I just posted in another thread that I signed our final papers that HE has been hounding me about. Then when I do sign them he wants to know what my hurry was...
And as predicted, tonight I get the same ILY texts. I almost responded but now after reading these posts I have more strength.
Once again, thanks for the thread.
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