Honey, you were absolutely right... wizer_now: You were right, somewhere around 2 years ago when you pointed out that I was somewhat distant and backed off, not only from you, but from the children as well. Yes, you were available to me, and you would do things like making yourself up all pretty and shit and have dinner for me when I got home from work...and I would come in and basically brush you off and eat my dinner and do my own thing. Yeah, I was the "emotionally distant husband" after 15 years of disagreements, deceptions, and well, drifting in our own direction started to finally catch up with us.
Yes, your frustration turned to anger. We got to the point where we couldn't even have a short conversation without it coming to screaming and yelling. You were absolutely right when you suggested I move out and get my own place to give us some room from each other. You were right on track when you said you wanted a Divorce...
But I didn't want to move out. Easy for you to say, get out...give up your beautiful house on a wooded acre...loss access to your children...all your the material possessions that you have busted your ass for all those years. All the blood and sweat I put into rennovating that house with my bare hands...that's right, no contractors for me, I do it all from plumbing and electric to framing and sheetrock..that house was my handiwork.
So you filed for a bogus order of protection and had me removed from the house at midnight. Nice going. Thanks for not warning me. Thanks for making up a bunch of crap to make me look like some sort of monster. Never mind that I never so much as laid a hand on you or the children...Divorce 101. I should have gotten your lawyer. Nice going.
So you take it all back and beg me to come home. You made a mistake...you love me...yeah...that's not love. So I move home in July for about a month of "second honeymoon" fake love and pretending it was all ok. Things fall apart and you file for divorce in October. I finally realize that you have been right all along, I start dating and meet a woman, who I see for a few months.
You see that I am moving on, you have another meltdown, you cancel the divorce and want it all to be ok. It isn't. Its too late. I can't go back, not now, not ever. I move out in December and file for divorce in January.
It's over. You were right. Please...accept the divorce as noncontested. Accept my generous offer of [details deleted"> . You aren't going to starve, really. Please understand that the reason I cut off all contact is because you are not mentally stable, and when we used to talk on the phone it would shoot my anxiety level all the way up, accomplishing nothing. It's really hard to do eye exams when your blood is boiling, you know?
Please, stop aligning the kids with you. Tonite when I called to make plans for Thursday our 10 year old said you made a doctor's appointment. Cut the crap..there are 4 other days in the week and you refuse to work. You can do it any other day. I know why you are doing this.
Let me go. It's over. I'm not mad. I think we might even be able to be friends someday. But not like this. Everyone is losing. Especially our kids.
Re: Honey, you were absolutely right... flipflopnomore: U go Wizer. I am proud of you for not taking the back and forth games anymore. I call that huge progress.
Re: Honey, you were absolutely right... Lumpy: Document all these little games she's playing with your visitation. The "doctor's appointment" thing won't fly. Offer to take her yourself. If she refuses she's basically refusing your visitation. Start saving this stuff up for court wize.
Re: Honey, you were absolutely right... wizer_now: You guys are right about everything you said, and thanks for responding.
I do have a journal, although I have not been so good about keeping it filled. I started it last May, after she hit me with the RO and the proceeded to come to my apartment to screw me and bring me dinner leftovers within a few weeks.
Now that the restraining order was vacated the journal serves a different purpose and I WILL be better at keeping it accurate. Of course, since there will probably not be a custody battle it may not make a big difference in the end, but it can only help.
The other problem I have is this...
There IS no visitation agreement, because there IS no divorce action at the present time. All there is right now is a pendente lite spousal/child support agreement. I filed a "notice of Divorce complaint" or something like that, she was served with papers back in January. They have not as yet responded as to whether or not they will agree to a divorce and my attorney is now saying that we may need to do a "grounds" trial to prove fault.
So I could go over to my house at ANY time, take my children ANY time. I could even more home if I wanted to, and I considered doing just that if she DOES contest the divorce. I have been advised that at the present time doing any of what I just said would not be a good idea. She would hit me with another bogus RO, and it will only cause me more problems and accomplish nothing.
The point is, since there is no written visitation agreement, she really isn't breaking any rule..everything we have decided has been verbal, through the attorneys, although it was requested in the original divorce papers that were filed in January.
Re: Honey, you were absolutely right... Lumpy: [quote author=wizer link=topic=42501.msg484692#msg484692 date=1174402854">
The point is, since there is no written visitation agreement, she really isn't breaking any rule..everything we have decided has been verbal, through the attorneys, although it was requested in the original divorce papers that were filed in January.
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You two need to sit down and hammer out something for the kids sake. Some sort of consistency so the kids know when you will be spending time with them. The sooner you establish this the more likely you'll recieve the sort of visitation that you want from the court.
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