Don't seem to have much luck .... WhiskeyGirl: with cats ::)
Seriously...I can't even count the amount of cats I have gone through since living on my own :-\ We had cats when I was a kid....yeah, they died OF OLD AGE! Mine seem to either just *dissapear*...or get mangled by some wild animal, taken off by owls, hit by cars....or most recently....suffer some type of severe trauma to the head causing serious brain damage.
Yes, I now have a "mentally challenged" cat.....I actually thought I would have to put him down, he couldn't walk, he was drooling, his eyes darted back and forth in his head, and if you put him down he'd just fall over.
Happy to say he's improved greatly....and can now walk across a room only falling over 2 or 3 times, his eyes seem to have steadied, he can eat, drink and use his kitty litter box (although I generally have to help him get out of it because he can't find the door and starts to panic) about 50% of the time he actually lands on the bed or couch when he tries to jump up. Geez ::) Why me?
Anyway...my girlfriend sent me this and I had to laugh my ass off....as I have recently found out (due to my retarded cats need for medication) that its SOOOO true ::)
How To Give A Cat A Pill
1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just visible from below spouse's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure the pill is not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply bandage to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck, leaving the head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Force cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 1/2 pint of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room; sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop by furniture shop on way home to order new table. Inform vet that as it turned out the cat recovered without needing any pills after all.
Re: Don't seem to have much luck .... yella: LOL! I think you should find a healthy cat and keep the poor guy on a leash. ;) Poor kitties. Poor WG. Poor baby for having to bounce around so much while mommy chases and pins down a frantic cat.
Re: Don't seem to have much luck .... crushedman: WG-
That post was an 10 on the unintentional comedy scale. I'm a HUGE animal lover, I say you keep the little guy.
cm
Re: Don't seem to have much luck .... WhiskeyGirl: Okay I know you all have been frantically worried about my retarded cat ::) LOL
Just had to let you know he has made a full recovery....well, almost....he's pretty much normal....except he walks around with his head cocked to the right at all times....and still has a bit of trouble with depth perception. Other than that, he's fine.....doesn't hardly ever fall over anymore :)
cm...of course I'm keeping him! My pets are part of the family :)
Re: Don't seem to have much luck .... Lumpy: [IMG"> http://i11.tinypic.com/2qxrqir">
WG's cat rides teh short bus...
