Officially divorced, finally Topaz: As of yesterday. It's kind of anti-climactic because it's been dragging on for so long.
My boss gave me the day off. She said, "you probably want to go and get drunk, right?" Actually, no. I wanted to go and look at expensive handbags and plan my next strategic purchase as part of my overall image upgrade, which I did.
I wanted to go and buy some new CDs, which I did - Sufjan Stevens and Rufus Wainwright.
I wanted to go and eat something good and vaguely decadent for lunch, so I did - sausage and peppers with risotto at Albella.
Went home, did mountains of laundry, thought about going to yoga class, and didn't. Stayed at home and played the piano and sang. Wrote a new song that has only one word for its lyrics. Burst out crying at the piano, all the sadness and resignation, remembering the happy moments, remembering all the crappy moments, feeling sad for my daughter, feeling sad for my ex.
Yes, feeling sad for my ex. When I met him, he was ambitious and hard-working, with a shine and a happiness. But I've seen anger and failure take over his life. I don't know if he has the strength and wisdom to re-invent himself and reclaim that sense of enthusiasm and possibility that he once had. Seeing him make bad choices again and again, it is a relief to know once and for all I'm not responsible for him, nor do I have to live with his choices anymore.
I admitted to myself just how guarded I felt about human nature, after having seen what one person can do to another person - the level of lies, sabotage, abuse. I'd let all the hurt go like a bubble but I wouldn't forget the lesson it taught me. Today I'm empty, but not entirely in a bad way.
Re: Officially divorced, finally Lumpy: [quote author=Trixie (aka Topaz) link=topic=42515.msg484771#msg484771 date=1174407465">
Today I'm empty, but not entirely in a bad way.
[/quote">
Maybe you're just a little lighter? Take care of yourself Trix.
Re: Officially divorced, finally darkrose: Well congrats on it being over!
I'm sure I will likely do many of the same things you did (day off, engage in some retail therapy --likely purchasing a new car, then go home and beat something out on the ol' keyboard or guitar).. But that weekend..oh my, I hope to forget I have legs for lack of feeling. :)
Re: Officially divorced, finally yella: I remember feeling the way you do now, Trixie. For me, it was part of the whole closure of the situation. The word divorce can have overwhelming power, even when you wish for it.
It's normal to feel sad about this. It's a part of your life that's over, even if that part wasn't ideal in any circumstance. Let yourself feel it, then move on with that shopping you want to do.
Congrats on the divorce and the final ending. It's all new from here. ;)
Re: Officially divorced, finally tripny2k6: It's a new life from here on out. Congrats.
((Hugs))
Click More for the next page.
