Re: Officially divorced, finally McDee: How i wish i could get to your position.Congrats.
[quote author=Trixie (aka Topaz) link=topic=42515.msg484771#msg484771 date=1174407465">
As of yesterday. It's kind of anti-climactic because it's been dragging on for so long.
My boss gave me the day off. She said, "you probably want to go and get drunk, right?" Actually, no. I wanted to go and look at expensive handbags and plan my next strategic purchase as part of my overall image upgrade, which I did.
I wanted to go and buy some new CDs, which I did - Sufjan Stevens and Rufus Wainwright.
I wanted to go and eat something good and vaguely decadent for lunch, so I did - sausage and peppers with risotto at Albella.
Went home, did mountains of laundry, thought about going to yoga class, and didn't. Stayed at home and played the piano and sang. Wrote a new song that has only one word for its lyrics. Burst out crying at the piano, all the sadness and resignation, remembering the happy moments, remembering all the crappy moments, feeling sad for my daughter, feeling sad for my ex.
Yes, feeling sad for my ex. When I met him, he was ambitious and hard-working, with a shine and a happiness. But I've seen anger and failure take over his life. I don't know if he has the strength and wisdom to re-invent himself and reclaim that sense of enthusiasm and possibility that he once had. Seeing him make bad choices again and again, it is a relief to know once and for all I'm not responsible for him, nor do I have to live with his choices anymore.
I admitted to myself just how guarded I felt about human nature, after having seen what one person can do to another person - the level of lies, sabotage, abuse. I'd let all the hurt go like a bubble but I wouldn't forget the lesson it taught me. Today I'm empty, but not entirely in a bad way.
[/quote">
Re: Officially divorced, finally Topaz: I purposely went and LOOKED at bags without buying...I know from hard experience the dangers of emotional/obsessive shopping. I saw some great bags, got a better idea of what I wanted (part of my overall transformation to professional image...heh!) and filed the ideas away for April when the budget will allow me to buy something.
I did, however, buy those 2 CDs!
Things are going well. I do truly feel like I closed a chapter, one that I don't miss!
