Re: Not dong well, only worse. td7629: Hi... I am sorry that you had to find this place and I can tell that you are hurting badly. Are you seeing a counselor right now? If not, I would suggest looking for a good one who can help you through this difficult time. I can tell you that the only thing that really does help you heal is having no contact and time. You should also lean on family and friends as much as you can.. this helped me out alot. Keep posting on here, it helps to get your feelings out.
Not dong well, only worse. sadnesss: I'm not doing well. To make a long story short, girl friend of ten years, who became my fiancéé gave me back the ring, decided that she couldn't marry me. We had been slowly drifting apart and I believe she just fell out of love. I tried everything I could do to get her to re-think her decision over and to not leave; but she just couldn't and after months of trying and holding onto hope, I finally gave up and told her that I would let her go, that I would say goodbye.
The night I said goodbye was the night I truly died inside, I fell into a much darker depression, far darker than I have ever felt before. I tried to end it all; but failed. Family members got involved and a solution at the time was to move away and start a new life. It sounded good on "paper" and I followed through on it. I just up and left, threw away everything I owned for it housed memories of her and it brought me pain. I quit my job, gave up my apartment and within a week I moved to a new state.
I had high hopes and was looking forward to the new beginning; but no matter how far I ran the depression just followed. My stay out there didn't last long, family started arguing (nothing to do with me), and it was time for me to leave. So I packed up and went back home; but I didn't really have a home to go to. My apt was gone, I was without a job and I was just not doing well. I started going to counseling; but I don't feel it's working, either cause I'm not seeing him enough or I'm just too far gone. I started taking medication about two weeks ago and it too doesn't seem like it's working. All day long I simple lay on the couch wrapped up in a blanket, no tv, no radio just empty ness and all I do is think about her.
I'm not doing well and I think about suicide more and more, and I'm still unsure why I haven't committed it yet. I don't want to be here, I don't want this pain. The woman who is suppose to me by wife, who I've loved for years who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with is now gone forever, she's been dating someone else for a few months now and is very happy. I haven't spoken to her in months, I've written her a few letters; but she hasn't responded, I've tried calling twice; but she wont answer. She's moved on is now happy and wishes nothing to do with me, however I can't let go, I can't stop thinking of her, I love this woman with all of my heart; yet it will never be. I can't go on like this, I have no energy no ambitions to continue on, I want to just give up for I'm not getting better only worse.
Re: Not dong well, only worse. gns: I am so sorry you feel this way. I know it is really hard. I was only dating someone for three years and we bought a house together and it took me months to not want to die every morning! I was jealous of people with terminal illnesses and wished I was in that place.
I am glad you are getting help. I took a few days to "interview"in Arizona and the sun was very healing - maybe that would help a little? I think starting over in a new place is a good idea.
It has been 5 months and last week was the first week I was actually looking forward to something.
Re: Not dong well, only worse. td7629: I'm sorry... I did not see where you said that you were in counseling already and taking medication. I would explain to your counselor that the medication does not seem to be helping you and perhaps it can be adjusted or you can try something different. Yes, you do need to keep going to counseling regularly in order to benefit from it. I know it seems like everything is hopeless right now... you need to remember that time heals all wounds. Stay strong.
Re: Not dong well, only worse. crushedman: There is nothing in this world like a broken heart. Your entire being is shattered and you are left with nothing. Every moment is a challenge, she haunts your dreams, your memories, your every thought. It is hell on Earth.
But it doesn't last forever, I promise you. How old are you? What are you interested in? What do you want for your future (aside from her). You are a human being that has value, and someday you will be cherished and valued above everyone else for some lucky women. It WILL happen, and that's a promise.
One other thing: she isn't happy all the time. Life is hard for EVERYBODY, even her. And if it's not hard for her right now, it soon will be.
cm
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