Re: Not dong well, only worse. jason: We have all been where you are at right now. Some of us are there now, and some of us haven't been there in a long while, but all of us remember the stage where you are currently.
You will get better when you decide it is time for you to do so, and that will happen when your actions (more than your thoughts) decide that grieving your former fiance is working against you, more than it is working for you.
My acute grieving process was about three months long. I remember the day it ended; I also remember the exact thought that ended it. My former wife was controlling my thoughts and behaviour exactly as if she were still in the room with me. Except she clearly wasn't, and there was nothing in the world I could do to change that, because the only person in the world who'se actions I fully control is ME !!
When I finally realized that I could scream, beg and cry until the cows came home and that she would still be gone and I would still be miserable, I began to put the pieces of my life back together again. I couldn't change the fact that she was gone, but I COULD work on the fact that I was miserable by taking proactive steps to minimize the misery and increase the joy in my life.
Some day, I promise, you will get to that place, too.
Re: Not dong well, only worse. wizer_now: Ok..
I just caught this post and I am a few days late, but it's obvious to me that you need a lot more help than you are getting right now.
The counselor that you are seeing is not doing his job properly, because if he was, you would not be laying around all day with ever increasing thoughts of suicide. The medications that were recently prescribed for you are probably not yet working because you have not been taking them long enough. You may need a short acting medication to give you a boost until such time as the other medications start to have an effect.
You need more intervention and support in your life. You need to make it clear to your counselor that you have serious suicidal thoughts. I can't imagine that you distraught emotional state has gotten by your therapist, but somehow he doesn't realize that there is real danger here. If he doesn't seem to get it, or seems to brush it off, or doesn't offer you any solutions, then you must find another therapist.
The only way you are going to be able to get yourself moving in the right direction is by taking small, manageable steps. Laying in bed, ruminating over the same thoughts of lonliness and despair is only going to continue the vicious downward spiral. You probably already know that simply getting up and out, going for a walk or a drive will cause a significant improvement in your mood. So at the very least, do that much.
The next step might be finding yourself a good book, maybe even one about how to deal with depression and anxiety. Learn about you condition, read about coping tips.
Push yourself to call an old friend and go get dinner or something.
Just don't lay there and perpetuate the cycle. You can make the effort and start inching forward or you can roll over and just give up. The choice is ultimately yours.
And finally...NO ONE is more important in your life right now then you. Sure, you ex had a huge effect on you and you feel that you cannot go on without her. But that is obviously flawed reasoning, because you lived without her before, and therefore you can do it again. You were with her for a long time, you got used to being with her and having her involved in your daily routine, but you can change that pattern. It won't happen overnight, but its inevitable, IF you start taking the steps. Slow but steady.
Re: Not dong well, only worse. rd2483: I think Wizer is right - your counselor is not doing a very good job if you are still lying around all day. There are also medications that are faster-acting than normal anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medications that will jump-start you. If your thoughts become even more disturbing, I would suggest that you go to the nearest emergency room and ask for help. If you don't have insurance, they have to help you anyway; they are legally bound to help you.
You should actively seek more support - you're on this forum and that's one of the best things you did. I was 'left' less than 2 months ago (after 17 years of relationship and 6 years of marriage) and this forum has helped me so much. I read other stories, talk to people, and I realize that I am not alone. If anything else, at least I am NOT alone.
And you must know that YOU are not alone either. We are all with you and will support you. But please please take that first step.
Think of it this way, if you let her get to you like this, she's 'won'. You need to get past betrayal and into a state of 'healthy anger'. Show her you can make it without her. Show her you are ok and you won't die without her. If she can be happy without you, you can certainly be happy on your own. I know you can.
I breathe this pain every day, because it is so raw and so alive inside me, but what keeps me going is knowing that while he is off with his 23-year old, I am building a better me. A stronger me. One that knows that the right person who will value me and cherish me for who I am, is out there. And I also know that karma is a bitch - so don't worry; she'll get her own right back at her!
Take care - and keep posting.
Re: Not dong well, only worse. todd: Hello,
I am sorry you feel so much pain!! It amazes me how the human body and mind can absorb so much burden in this life and still love and breathe. That in itself is a testament to me. We are resillient beyond measure. There is a quote I pasted below that reminds me of you and your pain. There is a whole world out there that needs your presence and your love. Don't worry- I understand your pain. I am going through it right now. Please don't give up on this life. It is a beautiful one and there are wonderful things coming to you. Don't let go of the great things that you deserve!!!!
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
from the 1994 Inaugural Speech of Nelson Mandela
Please don't give up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 ;D
