Re: Not dong well, only worse. abandoned1: Sadness,
I think I understand your pain as I too have contemplated death, and I didn't have nearly as many years invested in the relationship with my wife (married 1 1/2 - technically, although emotionally she was out by 1, and together for 2 total) - but the feelings were really strong, and in my case there was another guy involved (she worked with him) to make matters worse. She's been living with him for nearly a year now - and most of it while she was still "legally" married with me. Talk about major betrayal and disrespect. Anyway....
I suspect those dark feelings will come and go over time (as it has for me), but will be further and further apart as time goes on.
As hard as it is - and I'm fighting to do this myself, try to rediscover your passions, whether it be music, movies, books -whatever, and throw yourself into it. Maybe even start something new. I recently signed up to take a foreign language class because I always wanted to speak another language. I looked at it as an opportunity to learn something new while also providing a good social outlet. I'm making new friends with my classmates, which may in turn allow me to have more fun in my life - do new things and such, and forget about my divorce, and move on. Please try to get out and live life, and not isolate yourself alone with your dark thoughts as there isn't much potential for anything positive to come from that.
As for your wife and her new boyfriend - you simply cannot know how happy they truly are. Appearances aren't always what they seem. I've known a few couples who seem perfect for each other to me, who are having major mariatal problems behind closed doors. It happened to my ex boss who was married to her husband for 14 years, and it happened to me. In both cases our friends and families were shocked that we were separating and getting divorced. We SEEMED to them to be totally happy, but behind the scenes it wasn't quite that way. Try not to concentrate on them. She may (or may not) eventually "fall out of love" with him too - but really, it has no impact on your relationship with her, as for her it is over and she has moved on. I am in the exact same boat in that respect. My ex wife has COMPLETELY cutt me off. Imagine trying to divorce someone who won't talk, listen, email, or look at you. Absolutely ridiculous. She honestly treats me as if I'm dead.
Anyway... we must both be strong, and live, and reward that special someone that will eventually come along with our love and friendship.
Best of luck to you Sadness. And keep posting so we know you are okay. You are amongst friends here.
Re: Not dong well, only worse. gns: One more thing, it helped me to wallow in the feeling and identify it. Was I missing him? Was I missing being in a relationship? Was I feeling afraid to be alone? Somehow identifying the feeling made it better.
Re: Not dong well, only worse. cs9043: Sorry to hear about how you're taking this. I just found out my wife was having an affair with a mutual friend. Like I was hit by a truck. Your pulled out of your life and without your control or consent. I basically talked to friends/family. Then as I talked, I learned to come to grips with what has happened. Now I realize that it wasn't my fault and we are going to councilling to try and work things out. I am just getting prepared for what unfolds either way. The first couple of times you go outside will feel funny. But if you push yourself and with time, you will get better. Hang in there. Just remember what you are feeling is normal. Get all of your feelings out.
Re: Not dong well, only worse. kelbelleplus1: Everyone gave brilliant advice. I have been there and ultimately you have to see the light at the end of the tunnel, which can be any focal point, like your family, your future etc. You are a very valuable human being, and you have to know that.
One thing I have had people insist of me is to just get out. Interacting, as hard as it is at first, is a really good way to get outside of your own head. Waking up and getting dressed every day, simple words of advice I was given and they made a difference.
I urge you to continue talk therapy and the meds also, they can truly be the difference in getting better.
Know that you are loved and there is always support.
Re: Not dong well, only worse. soreheart: Reading your post reminded me of my initial pain.
I thought my heart had been broken before but when my husband left after 10 years, I realised what the term 'heartbroken' really meant.
Its a physical pain that stops you from functioning and when you are in that place, you just don't want to breathe anymore.
I know, i've been there. So many of us have.
And you know something? All that stuff that you think is BS now about 'you will feel better eventually','theres light at the end of the tunnel'.........its all true! It sounds so hollow to you now, but its all true. Its gonna take time and lots of effort by you, but it will get better. In the meantime, there are lots of people out here thinking about you. Take care of u.
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