Marriage? or Child? Lady Phoenix: Ok some of you know the story with my 12 and half year old daughter and the problems I had with her and the fact she went to live with her grandmother. Brief synopsis...She is bi-polar with oppositional defiance disorder and has been since she was 7. In the marriage Im in now, my husband was never keen on her living with us but she did for awhile..we had to call the police frequently because of her outbursts, she was in and out of the psych ward...I've done everything I can for this child..because underneath I see hope. Well it came down to she either had to go live with my ex MIL or I possibly lose my other children and my marriage. That put a huge dent in an already rocky marriage. But my children were suffering because of her behavior also.
So fast forward to now...a year later.. The ex MIL does not allow me to see her, and is trying to not let her see anyone else in the family either. My daughter is acting out against this evil woman because she hates her..the evil woman says E has to live with her until she's 18. My brother volunteered to take her..but his hands are tied. I myself cannot afford a lawyer..and in the best circumstances I would step in and try and have her live with me again. But my husband says no way no how NEVER. He just keeps saying I dont know why they even call you. Well my family calls me to keep me in the loop about whats going on with my kid.. although they wont get off their asses and help. And her worthless bio dad.. well forget it.
I find myself ..besides having incredible mother guilt over this situation..one that Im not even sure I could help because my daughter has so many problems.. and seriously seriously hating my husband for not wanting to stand by my side and fight to do whatever it takes to help her. Is there even a choice here? The last time I discussed this with him we got into a huge blow out and I ended up in a bar drowning my sorrows. ::)
So many things have me lost these days.. and this..is one of the biggest.. how in the hell do I help my kid? Can I without her living with me? And if she does live with me then I have to divorce and then possibly lose the child my husband and I have together.
Im so sick of being torn in half...I dont know whether Im coming or going anymore .. and some of my actions havent been pretty.
I really dont know what Im asking here.. probably more venting than anything... I just.. really dont know what the hell to do about anything anymore. Somebody just wake me when its over k?
Pisces ::)
Re: Marriage? or Child? just_me_detroit: I really don't know what to say to help.
((hugs))
Re: Marriage? or Child? darkrose: Does she have custody of the child? I mean a court order dictating that she has custody? If it's just an arrangement, she really doesn't have legal ground to do that..
Re: Marriage? or Child? Freckles: Its hard to help someone who is mentaly ill.
She is 12 and 1/2 years old and Out-of-Control
I could not Fix my ExWife who has Problems
But, I have allways felt that. Going to Church is good.
Does She go to Church on Sundays ?
Can She go to School?
I am Praying for You and Her
Re: Marriage? or Child? Phyxius: I'll chime in on this one, and PG - I swear to God I'm trying to help! :-*
A couple of questions to ask here...
First: Does your ex (or Mother Outlaw) have legal custody of her? If not, their legal options are rather limited, lawyer or no lawyer.
Second: If she were in your home, would she pose a threat to your other children? I'm not taking a position, just asking the question.
Personally, I would be the first one to advocate slapping your husband upside the head if he won't back you when it comes to the well-being of your children - regardless of whether or not she's biologically his. When he married someone who already had children, he signed on for the whole package. If he can't do that, he does need a thorough butt-stomping. It's not even in the fine print - it's on the first line of the contract.
FWIW,
Phyx
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