Re: Marriage? or Child? sheydp: From what you have said before, although I understand the guilt, there is nothing you can do about bringing your daughter home. Even if you had the most supportive husband in the world - one who wanted her there even more than you - she was dangerous to your son. It isn't even the best situation for HER - because you are always going to be conflicted over who to protect, and she is going to always have trouble controlling her harmful actions. Out of your house, you can JUST be supportive of HER - without worrying about your son.
Now, if you accept that premise (and I know how conflicted even that makes you - you WANT her home!!! I know that!) If you accept that you can't, though, the next step is what is best for HER. If you don't believe where she IS is the best place, where is? Is your brother really? Then that is what you can work on.
Yes, it would be nice if your hubbie stepped up and worked on it with you. However, with or without him, this is a fight you can try your best to take on. Even if he were gone - you are no better or worse off... you still have your son to think of. And really - he IS supportive - of your son. In a lot of ways, that is what you need. It is easy for us as parents to get caught up in the child with the most difficulties. We want to "save" them. It is super natural - and I get caught in it with my middle daughter. Trouble is, then we forget our "more normal" children... who deserve a normal life. Having him be such a jerk about your daughter at least ensures your son is safe - and I KNOW that is just as important to you, it is SOOO hard to be caught between kids who all need you!
I think he would be more supportive of you AND your daughter if your automatic response wasn't to bring her home. If you could show him that you care about the home life of everyone else, too - and that you WON'T try to bring her home, but you DO need to care and take care of her where SHE is best off being - maybe he could meet you there and be more supportive. Even if he isn't, though - you are doing the best you can. Let go of as much guilt as you can - it only drives you to do things to ease IT, instead of your family. You are trying, you are working on it - and you will continue to care. That is the best anyone can do!!!
(((((((HUGS)))))))
Shey
