mixed up dante: I haven't posted for some time. I've finally been able to forgive my STXW for the affair and for ending the marriage. It's been over a month since we've been able to, by law, to be able to set up a pre-trial conference and a court date. She won't set a time and we haven't talked in 3 weeks.
So, I decided to set the dates myself with my lawyer. She tells me that we all kinds of time and that "We need to give it time to see if you guys can work this out". I don't understand this. She was there at our only conference when my wife said there was no chance for reconciliation. My STBXW has not shown any remorse, apologized, or indicated any chance for reconciliation. I'm also to the point where I agree with her that we should not be together any longer. My lawyer kept reiterating that we need time to maybe work things out, but she also says that her lawyer has never contacted for anything.
I don't understand this; why are we waiting? Am I out of the loop on something? My STBXW wanted this divorce and now she's just doing nothing. I asked her why she hasn't asked for a date the last time we talked and she couldn't give an explanation. What do you think?
Re: mixed up td7629: I think you know in your heart that it is over and you have accepted it. You are at the point where you want to move on and can not understand why all of sudden now why you need to put the breaks on this. I can not really understand why your lawyer wants to delay things either. My ex also did the same thing... he was the one who cheated and did awful things and when I finally had the nerve to file for divorce.. it took him a yr to sign for it. All I can say is keeping moving forward and try not question your ex's behavior too much...Hang in there!
Re: mixed up frostbite: I too have a strange situation. My wife cheated/is cheating/desireing to be able to cheat again.......whatever. She will NOT lift a finger to work towards saving our marriage. She wants out, but will NOT make any moves in order to get the ball rolling. Instead, she is simply doing her best to make my life Hell and is obviously waiting on me to do what she wants.
At any rate, since you aren't the one that really wanted it, then don't push. Granted, limbo sucks like crazy, but if there is a chance to save, then do so. Considering what is happening and what your lawyer is saying, there may be higher powers(beings) at work here. Otherwise, watch those lawyer fees.
I want to save my marriage. I have been trying. My wife is being very calculating though and it bothers me. It's like she is trying to set me up for something or wait until she and he are certain to be together. In effect, she's keeping one foot in the door while the rest of her body is out and ready to bolt.
It's a raw deal, but...
Re: mixed up darkrose: Yep. Same boat.
Apparently my stbxw won't talk to her lawyer. We sent her a settlement offer that was a LOT more than what she's entitled to, and she didn't accept it. Her lawyer has advised her to take the offer because she has the very real risk of losing the ability to have unsupervised visitation with our child if this goes to court unresolved (I am considering this), and she has no chance to get more than I decide to give her. No alimony, she'd have to pay me child support (the settlement had an arrangement where she would be getting alimony and paying the exact same amount in child support, thus no money would ever exchange hands).
She cheated on my emotionally, then physically while we were separated. She shows no remorse, and I found out a few days ago that it wasn't just one person she was messing with, and she has since slept with several people. Her life, she threw it away. She thought she'd be happy on her own but she's miserable. I can see it in her eyes. She wants to get back together with me which is why she's dragging her feet on everything..but our reconciliation train has long since departed the station. I realize now that she treated me horribly. And I'm not saying I was the best husband ever, but at least I tried. She did not.
Re: mixed up ace1234: Good for you wishing. I think my stbxw is happier that she left me, but I guess only time will tell. The grass in always greener on the other side.
I too, wasn't the greatest husband either but I would have tried if I was ever given the chance. I did actually try during and after everything went to garbage. My stbxw just left one day and never wanted to try, but her job and other people were always way more important than me. ???
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